FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, I flirted with a guy for ten minutes before realizing I was sitting between him and his girlfriend. FML

by Lindsay / 02/07/2011 at 12:41pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2011 at 4:47pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I wanted to annoy my sister by playing the air horn app on my iPhone. I forgot that I had headphones in. Let's just say I quickly had to change my underwear. FML

by Brea / 02/01/2011 at 1:50pm / United States (Missouri) / Geek

Today, I was backing out of my snowy drive way on my way to work. I thought I hit a lump of snow. I'd run over my white cat. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2011 at 1:30pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals

Today, I came to the conclusion that you should always tell the truth. While I was busy reassuring her that the condom didn't break, she was telling me how it was okay because she was on the pill. According to the pregnancy test, we both lied. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 2:09am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandparents for the first time. When my boyfriend introduced us, his grandfather smiled at me, took my hand, and said in the most polite voice, "Wow, you're not nearly as pretty as he described you." FML

by lizard / 01/08/2011 at 7:22pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss decided to post a photo of a piece of crap on Facebook. He tagged me in it. FML

by poop / 01/07/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea for me to talk with a British accent during my job interview to make me sound smarter. I'm applying for a job at McDonald's. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2010 at 10:37am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, the horn in my car decided to malfunction. It honked continuously for an hour as I drove down the highway. FML

by nick / 12/23/2010 at 9:21pm / United States (Missouri) / Transportation

Today, the guy who got off when the elevator's doors opened had a very embarrassed look on his face. I didn't think anything of it till the doors closed. Turns out he was running away from his deadly fart. FML

by lizard / 12/18/2010 at 12:56am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2010 at 7:11pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, at work, a little boy shyly told his mom he thought I was cute. I smiled at him as she looked me up and down and said to him, "Eww, honey. No, you do not!" FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 3:32pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2010 at 1:55am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy