FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, I was hosting a pool party, when my husband and his friends got the bright idea of lighting one of the party balloons on fire. Needless to say, it immediately exploded. In shock, he jumped back straight into me, sending me and my $400 cell phone splashing into the pool. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2011 at 3:21am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, while watching tv at my mother's house, a tornado warning came across the screen. After being in the dark nasty basement for half an hour, my mom realizes she was watching a recorded show, and that tornado warning was for 2 weeks ago. FML

by cargaljen / 08/07/2011 at 1:29am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML

by nomorecookies / 08/06/2011 at 1:53am / United States (Missouri) / Transportation

Today, I found out how painful it is when your ceiling fan falls on you. FML

by Username / 08/01/2011 at 10:46pm / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2011 at 10:10pm / United States (Missouri) / Kids

Today, while working at Kohl's this woman came up to me and asked if I was Native American, I said yes, she then says "Oh! I thought you guys went extinct." This is the country I live in. FML

by crazygirl12 / 07/29/2011 at 11:18am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I was supposed to have a double date. My date didn't show. I spent my day in the living room waiting for the pizza guy while my best friend and her boyfriend made out. The pizza guy never showed either. FML

by supergingerr11 / 07/09/2011 at 1:55am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at the beach, I was mistaken for Snooki. FML

by Unknown / 07/07/2011 at 11:12am / United States (Missouri) / Holidays

Today, my mom took me to a counselor because of my addiction to watermelon. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2011 at 6:28pm / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, I got more excited when two Kit-Kat bars fell at once in a vending machine than I did when I got married. FML

by jakewr / 07/02/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me. But not to worry, he said she's only in town for a week then he's done with her. FML

by ljcxo17 / 07/01/2011 at 4:49am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, after weeks, I've finally reached my goal and lost 10 lbs. My sister got jealous about me losing weight, and told my parents and coworkers that I'm anorexic. Hello, intervention. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2011 at 1:56am / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, I couldn't figure out what was worse: accidentally dropping my car keys into the bottom of a filthy park lake, or getting a fishhook through my toenail in an attempt to retrieve them. FML

by Courtney / 06/27/2011 at 10:10pm / United States (Missouri) / Transportation