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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, the guy who got off when the elevator's doors opened had a very embarrassed look on his face. I didn't think anything of it till the doors closed. Turns out he was running away from his deadly fart. FML

#14242742
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24942) - you deserved it (2693)

On 12/18/2010 at 12:56am - misc - by lizard (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML

#14074806
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37190) - you deserved it (5177)

On 12/03/2010 at 7:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, at work, a little boy shyly told his mom he thought I was cute. I smiled at him as she looked me up and down and said to him, "Eww, honey. No, you do not!" FML

#13853853
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34785) - you deserved it (2913)

On 11/15/2010 at 3:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML

#13481200
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38307) - you deserved it (8020)

On 10/17/2010 at 1:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while on my run, I was attacked by my neighbor's new dog. It apparently didn't like me running past their house and broke free from its chain. I now have stitches and was just told that I'm probably being taken to court for the emotional distress I caused her and the dog. FML

#13397431
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32952) - you deserved it (2384)

On 10/10/2010 at 8:57pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out everybody at work thinks I'm a lesbian because they thought my boyfriend was a girl. FML

#13370943
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27150) - you deserved it (5563)

On 10/08/2010 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went over to this girl's house that I really like. I was planning on cooking her dinner. In the process, the grease in the pan got too hot and caught fire. We ended up having to call the fire department. FML

#13340119
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23235) - you deserved it (7877)

On 10/06/2010 at 5:31am - love - by fireman (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I talked to my boss about scheduling my urgently needed surgery. She asked me to wait until after Christmas, and told me that I should use vacation time instead of sick leave. She's also not going to give me the total paid time off my contract specifies, because it's "inconvenient." FML

#13008044
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28030) - you deserved it (2163)

On 09/11/2010 at 7:36pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking through an old photo album of mine. I turned to a page with a picture of me on my last day of college. I thought the picture was quite nice. He turned to me and said, "Don't worry, I take bad pictures too." FML

#12234488
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24529) - you deserved it (3056)

On 07/31/2010 at 10:28pm - love - by XxHinkaixX (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML

#11983627
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (104067) - you deserved it (6061)

On 07/19/2010 at 1:36pm - love - by betrayed (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was taking my dog on a walk when two younger looking boys rode their bikes up towards me. One said, "What about her?" The other boy said, "Nah, she's ugly." FML

#11271571
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30701) - you deserved it (3363)

On 06/17/2010 at 6:56pm - animals - by MCRxforever - United States (Missouri)

Today, I am 9 months pregnant. I had a dream where I successfully pushed and gave birth to my son. Meanwhile, in the real world, I successfully pushed and gave birth to a large dump. FML

#11011756
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43220) - you deserved it (6467)

On 06/06/2010 at 2:31pm - kids - by Annakins (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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