FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, I went to a Mexican restaurant with my family. I got stuck trying to decide whether I should get the fajitas or the tacos. I ended up getting the tacos because I didn't want the fajitas to come in sizzling, and I didn't want to "make a scene". My social anxiety has hit a new low. FML

by mexicandelicacy / 03/03/2012 at 10:09pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML

by Miss_Kristen / 02/26/2012 at 10:31am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I had my first chorus concert. We got a bigger applause when we left the stage than when we sang. FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2012 at 4:05pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to my husband why putting on dirty underwear after a shower defeats the purpose. We had this discussion in the middle of me giving him head. FML

by anonymous / 01/20/2012 at 12:02am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I dropped my 7-year-old son off at school. He decided to have fun and step out of my car screaming "Stranger danger" while running away and pointing at me. I then had to get out of my car to shut the door he'd left wide open. This caused 20 other kids to scream "Stranger danger" as well. FML

by dealingdave / 12/19/2011 at 7:24am / United States (Missouri) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I talked to my dad about joining the military. He got up, laughed, and said, "As if the army would accept a pussy like you." FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2011 at 12:30am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed my 5-gallon glass vase/aquarium was leaking at the base. When I went to move the vase so I could transfer everything to a new aquarium, the bottom completely detached, sending water, sand, sea shells and fish crap everywhere. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

by pops up / 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because we watched a movie that Taylor Lautner was in, she claims they made special eye contact and they are destined to be together. FML

by hot_shot / 11/28/2011 at 8:33pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I shaved half my eyebrow off trying to shave my uni-brow. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2011 at 11:52am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends and I were going to do an ugly sweater photo shoot. When we met up, one of them was wearing a sweater I gave on her birthday. FML

by ravlol / 11/25/2011 at 1:08pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was practicing my lines for theater class in the hall. My partner and I chose a script where we argue over me stealing her boyfriend. Since it started to sound like a real argument, another student said that I was a "crazy bitch" and punched me in the face. FML

by hannahk267 / 11/18/2011 at 8:30am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a concussion while teaching a kid how to be a safe and cautious swimmer. FML

by rowanjusmc / 10/26/2011 at 12:31am / United States (Missouri) / Work