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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, during my first date with a girl I've liked for awhile, she tells me about some minor disabilities she was born with. Wanting to be honest with her too, I tell her I'm slightly autistic. Her response was, "I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I can't date a retard." I had to eat alone after that. FML

#17948133
360 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49542) - you deserved it (3635)

On 10/09/2011 at 11:27pm - love - by DyingPlants (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was trying to find my first message on Facebook. When I was reaching the bottom, I saw a message from my old crush. It contained a paragraph confessing her love for me and asking me to write back. Don't know how I missed that one. FML

#17874875
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41238) - you deserved it (7349)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:57pm - love - by lostlove (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out the reason why my therapist was so nice to me all of the time. Apparently, she is afraid that I'm going to stab her if she pisses me off. FML

#17845036
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26083) - you deserved it (5383)

On 09/27/2011 at 1:14am - health - by Josh - United States (Missouri)

Today, while I was on the bus, my foot fell asleep. When we arrived at my stop, I stood up and limped to the front of the bus. As I walked down the steps, I tripped, fell, and smashed my nose into the ground. The driver just laughed and drove away. FML

#17801056
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28125) - you deserved it (3224)

On 09/21/2011 at 11:41pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that my neighbors took it upon themselves to knock down the fence we shared, and putting up a new one. Thus fencing my pool into their yard. When I asked them why, he replied, "We thought you weren't coming back." I was gone for 4 months tending to my sister with breast cancer. FML

#17658715
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42933) - you deserved it (2232)

On 09/04/2011 at 2:09am - misc - by Pool-less - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was hosting a pool party, when my husband and his friends got the bright idea of lighting one of the party balloons on fire. Needless to say, it immediately exploded. In shock, he jumped back straight into me, sending me and my $400 cell phone splashing into the pool. FML

#17592459
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27883) - you deserved it (6279)

On 08/27/2011 at 3:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while watching tv at my mother's house, a tornado warning came across the screen. After being in the dark nasty basement for half an hour, my mom realizes she was watching a recorded show, and that tornado warning was for 2 weeks ago. FML

#17393465
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32619) - you deserved it (4581)

On 08/07/2011 at 1:29am - misc - by cargaljen - United States (Missouri)

Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML

#17384157
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32035) - you deserved it (3607)

On 08/06/2011 at 1:53am - misc - by nomorecookies - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out how painful it is when your ceiling fan falls on you. FML

#17337129
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35821) - you deserved it (3062)

On 08/01/2011 at 10:46pm - misc - by Username - United States (Missouri)

Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML

#17302566
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28533) - you deserved it (17122)

On 07/29/2011 at 10:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, while working at Kohl's this woman came up to me and asked if I was Native American, I said yes, she then says "Oh! I thought you guys went extinct." This is the country I live in. FML

#17297056
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44979) - you deserved it (3531)

On 07/29/2011 at 11:18am - work - by crazygirl12 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was supposed to have a double date. My date didn't show. I spent my day in the living room waiting for the pizza guy while my best friend and her boyfriend made out. The pizza guy never showed either. FML

#17036855
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35788) - you deserved it (2852)

On 07/09/2011 at 1:55am - misc - by supergingerr11 - United States (Missouri)

Today, while at the beach, I was mistaken for Snooki. FML

#17013138
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48840) - you deserved it (26410)

On 07/07/2011 at 11:12am - misc - by Unknown - United States (Missouri)



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