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FMLs submitted from Missouri

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through charades. FML

#21457655
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19262) - you deserved it (4795)

On 08/18/2015 at 4:17pm - love - by I hate games - United States (Missouri)

Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML

#21451832
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24366) - you deserved it (1852)

On 08/04/2015 at 4:56pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, as I was working at a bakery, a woman stormed in, cut in front of the line, and began yelling at me. She claimed I didn't give her a sandwich earlier and demanded a refund. She got the refund out of my paycheck, and as she was leaving she muttered, "Ha, works every time." FML

#21446622
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27812) - you deserved it (1804)

On 07/24/2015 at 4:08pm - work - by jb100 - United States (Missouri)

Today, my grandpa still receives more mail than me. He's been dead for three years. FML

#21442079
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24809) - you deserved it (2427)

On 07/15/2015 at 2:06pm - misc - by lesousterre - United States (Missouri)

Today, while at work, a customer, who was also on his phone, rudely asked what kinds of bread we had for his sandwich. After I told him we had many different kinds to offer, he cut me off, told me to stop playing stupid, and stormed out after holding up a long line of people. FML

#21437185
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22845) - you deserved it (1901)

On 07/06/2015 at 2:03am - work - by breadcrumb - United States (Missouri)

Today, I sent the girl I like flowers, only to have her later post a picture of them online, saying, "ha when losers send you flowers". FML

#21435086
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31033) - you deserved it (2324)

On 07/01/2015 at 10:04pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

#21428553
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31321) - you deserved it (13113)

On 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by shmarf (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I moved in with my boyfriend because my parents kicked me out. He said that if I ever touch his "fucking apple jacks" he will "chop" my nipples off and feed them to the dog. FML

#21421518
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28724) - you deserved it (5196)

On 06/05/2015 at 10:14pm - love - by CassidyQueen - United States (Missouri)

Today, my dog was knocked unconscious. I had to race him to the vet and pay a small fortune for x-rays and shots. All because he ran into the kitchen at full speed and smashed headfirst into the refrigerator after hearing me open a bag of turkey. FML

Today, I felt sick to my stomach, so I told my mother I didn't want to eat dinner. She started accusing me of being anorexic, so I ate a little bit anyway to make her stop. I then threw up, only for her to take it as confirmation that I have an eating disorder. FML

#21403099
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30976) - you deserved it (2262)

On 05/01/2015 at 8:33pm - health - by I'm just sick, really - United States (Missouri)

Today, a parent of one of the students I teach called me to complain that I was teaching her child "lies" and "fairytales". I was teaching them about the Holocaust. FML

#21390720
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33391) - you deserved it (1815)

On 04/09/2015 at 3:38pm - work - by PrettySureItsReal - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was told it was inconvenient for me to take lunch breaks, because someone else has to answer the phones and no one else wants to actually do any work. FML

#21388704
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27088) - you deserved it (1802)

On 04/06/2015 at 4:02pm - work - by tee - United States (Missouri)

Today, I picked up a rock outside and put it in my pocket because it looked cool. A teacher holding the door open stopped me and sent me to the principal. I was confused and asked the teacher why the strict action. She replied that someone has been putting rocks in the toilet. I got a detention. FML

#21386851
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29574) - you deserved it (2799)

On 04/03/2015 at 2:08am - misc - by overreacting - United States (Missouri)



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