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FMLs submitted from Mississippi

Today, it was the last day of school. My students shared what they thought of me. Expecting to hear wonderful things, all of their complaints can be summed up in a few words: I'm a liar, a killer of dreams, I need to grow up, and I was a big disappointment to them. I'm a first-year teacher. FML

#16425645
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26204) - you deserved it (12002)

On 05/30/2011 at 9:59pm - work - by sashimieater - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML

#16221973
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44290) - you deserved it (23159)

On 05/17/2011 at 1:34pm - money - by anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I got married. My sister and father could not attend because they already had plans. My sister went to the mall with her friends, and my dad went to a pool party. FML

#15949652
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43477) - you deserved it (3234)

On 04/27/2011 at 3:03pm - misc - by disfunctionalfamily (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was cooking, and I took a pot of boiling water to the sink to drain. My pot holder slipped, and the boiling water spilled all over my breasts. Second degree boob burns are bad, but losing half a nipple to potato salad is worse. FML

#15526223
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37306) - you deserved it (3860)

On 03/28/2011 at 2:42am - health - by ouchmytits - United States (Mississippi)

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I had the pleasure of meeting my girlfriend's mother for the very first time. She walked in on me in the bathroom; I'd completely lost focus and fallen asleep while taking a shit. FML

#14326550
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11244) - you deserved it (21011)

On 12/24/2010 at 6:49pm - love - by Username - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I realized I was happy because we finally started having friends come visit us after months of not having company. I also realized that our secret stash of money was stolen last night while we had company. FML

#13439777
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21776) - you deserved it (3681)

On 10/13/2010 at 10:25pm - money - by robbed (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was very sick with a stomach virus, so I went to the only doctor's office open on Sundays. Even though I was feeling like a pile of shit, I waited for a woman who was walking in behind me to hold the door open for her. She was the last patient they could take for the day. FML

#7270960
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28121) - you deserved it (2491)

On 01/11/2010 at 12:19am - health - by Gentleman (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a box of chocolates for Christmas. I thought it was sweet until I noticed the heart drawn on the back. It's the same box of chocolates I gave him for Christmas. Christmas last year. FML

#6933650
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23237) - you deserved it (2097)

On 12/25/2009 at 2:04am - love - by HeSucks (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my boyfriend and I were using our skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom and I thought that I'd surprise him with my clothes off for when he came back. I heard him walk back into the room so I got into position. It wasn't him. It was his mom. FML

#6806655
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5216) - you deserved it (12919)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:25am - intimacy - by Jssceli09 (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I come home to find that my dog has taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He also took a dump in my house shoe. FML

#6787921
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24354) - you deserved it (3807)

On 12/17/2009 at 1:09am - animals - by life_suxxx - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. Several hours later I realize that I can't find my wallet. After looking all over my house and then the store parking lot, I had my credit cards cancelled. On the drive home, I feel something under me. It was my wallet. FML

#6629276
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6063) - you deserved it (25016)

On 12/06/2009 at 2:43am - money - by life_suxxx - United States (Mississippi)

Today, after I bathed my nine month old, I laid her on my bed to grab a diaper. I turned around to see that she'd peed on my comforter. I then put her in her playpen to put my cover in the wash. I came back into the room to get her, and saw she'd taken off her diaper. She'd crapped in her playpen. FML

#6157147
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23793) - you deserved it (7042)

On 11/04/2009 at 8:23pm - kids - by raebay (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts his hand on my cheek caressing it tenderly... and says "Who's a good piggy?" in his best Homer Simpson's voice. FML

#5562076
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17749) - you deserved it (3294)

On 09/30/2009 at 4:28am - intimacy - by homersgirl (woman) - United States (Mississippi)



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