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FMLs submitted from Mississippi

Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML

#20979319
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40360) - you deserved it (3951)

On 12/03/2013 at 12:28pm - health - by wheezy - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was at the grocery store, when a little boy looked up at me and asked if I was a prostitute. FML

#20970235
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44050) - you deserved it (13218)

On 11/25/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

#20947706
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45293) - you deserved it (9096)

On 11/06/2013 at 1:08pm - animals - by lbg2msf (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML

#20940283
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43106) - you deserved it (8996)

On 10/31/2013 at 2:27pm - kids - by anna (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML

#20889651
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49265) - you deserved it (3326)

On 09/21/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, while I was teaching my chickens to eat out of my hand, one of the hens bit my finger and I dropped the entire handful of treats. Result: bonanza for the bird. The rest decided they could get more treats by biting me rather than by behaving. I now have a flock of fingerbiters. FML

Today, a lady cussed me out for not bringing her salad and pizza to her table. She then wanted her money back. I work at a buffet; a self-serve buffet. FML

#20859830
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46761) - you deserved it (2594)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:33am - work - by pizza girl - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my friend told me she'd lost her notebook filled with crucial notes for our finals. She asked if she could borrow mine and copy my notes. She then lost my notebook too. FML

#20669510
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44094) - you deserved it (11151)

On 05/17/2013 at 6:28pm - misc - by well great. - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my friend made me go on a carnival ride. The whole time, I complained that I was going to puke. I didn't, though. She did, all over me. FML

#20626478
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40709) - you deserved it (5829)

On 04/27/2013 at 11:25pm - misc - by gross. - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML

#20555936
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35503) - you deserved it (8994)

On 03/23/2013 at 1:44am - love - by SierraDiaz2097 - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I sent a dozen roses and a hand-written, heart-felt note to my ex-girlfriend to show her that I'm still madly in love with her. When I asked if she got the flowers I sent, she replied, "Yeah but you got the wrong color. You should've gotten yellow, that stands for friendship." FML

#20534297
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33260) - you deserved it (12033)

On 03/07/2013 at 1:07am - love - by Roses are Red - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my boyfriend's mom bought us matching purity rings. FML

#20470370
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30700) - you deserved it (5354)

On 01/20/2013 at 10:55pm - love - by airrinw_33 - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

#20452996
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48195) - you deserved it (6317)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)



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