FMLs submitted from Minnesota

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

by anonamous / 03/12/2012 at 5:45pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my mom has been stealing from me to pay for Scientology courses. FML

by sonofanut / 02/21/2012 at 10:14pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that with all the money I've spent on repairs for my iPhone through the months, I could have bought a phone that doesn't die horribly whenever I so much as give it a mean look. FML

by anonymous / 02/18/2012 at 5:07pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money

Today, I admitted my fear of small spaces to my boyfriend. His response was to immediately lock me in the hall closet. FML

by Bailyboo / 01/26/2012 at 6:50pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, my family and I went over to our new neighbors' house, to sing a carol and say hello. The only response we got was a door slammed in our faces. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2011 at 4:02pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, someone nearly hit me with their car, so I flipped them the finger. They turned back around and tried to run me over. FML

by badidea / 12/23/2011 at 1:42am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my job as a bartender where I had to listen to a 40-something man with no legs drunkenly explain just how much he loves nipples. FML

by sugarbeet / 12/03/2011 at 8:39pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, I was helping first-graders do school work when one of them stabbed me in the face with a pencil, all because I told her that a three was backwards. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2011 at 6:46pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, I had a big presentation to do at work, so I got up early and ran myself a bath. I woke up three hours later, extremely late, and still in the bath. FML

by fuuuuck / 11/28/2011 at 6:43pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I learned how much it hurts to put a mint up your nose. FML

by farhia97 / 11/07/2011 at 9:14pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard my dad telling his work buddy that he's disappointed in his kid. I assumed he meant my brother, for flunking out of school. He meant me, for quitting sports to focus on my studies. FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2011 at 10:43am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, I was called ugly and viciously ridiculed by a couple of teenage girls. They were wearing uggs and vests that made them look like a freak-show of bleached pomeranians. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2011 at 12:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad yelled for me. It was an emergency. I ran down the stairs, tripped, fell, and limped over to my dad only to find that he wanted me to see a video of someone playing "Bohemian Rhapsody" on the ukulele. FML

by camille / 10/29/2011 at 9:40am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous