FMLs submitted from Minnesota

Today, I came back to my dorm to find my roommate forgot to get rid of her massive amounts of cheese before break. She did, however, remember to unplug the refrigerator. FML

by roomatewoes / 03/31/2013 at 8:45pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that if not for my grandfather gifting my dad $200, I would have been named Anthrax. FML

by cheeseburglar_9000 / 03/20/2013 at 9:11pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sink seemed to be filling up with dirty water. Concerned, I turned on the garbage disposal and plunged away. With no change in the water levels, I called a plumber. He reached in, pulled out the drain plug, and give me his bill while chuckling to himself. FML

by Anonymous / 03/19/2013 at 10:52pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML

by swarm20 / 02/05/2013 at 12:24am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

by maybe dead in a day / 01/20/2013 at 2:28pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I found out that there's something my new wife hates more than spiders. Black people. FML

by WellShit / 01/03/2013 at 9:19pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, it was my first time at the club. I saw a really cute girl. I finally worked up the courage to ask her to dance. Before I even got within five feet of her, she looked me in the eyes and vehemently shook her head. I did a 180. My friends saw everything. They are still laughing. FML

by divingconfidence / 12/22/2012 at 6:21am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my co-worker had a bad cold that stuffed up his ears and nose. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that he believed his farts were silent and scentless. They were so vile, they could have killed a horse. FML

by Iknoweverything / 12/22/2012 at 3:06am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I came home to find my husband and our 4-year-old son simultaneously peeing off the second-floor balcony. My husband was giggling like a little girl. FML

by Bonding_boys / 12/17/2012 at 11:21am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, a lady on the bus came up to me and asked if she could sit down. Thinking she meant the seat next to me, I said sure. She meant my lap. FML

by LLCK / 12/10/2012 at 5:13am / United States (Minnesota) / Transportation

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to convert to Christianity. Not because she has a strong relation with God, but because she wants to post Facebook statuses about Him and "get a lot of likes." FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2012 at 7:06pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids