FMLs submitted from Minnesota

Today, my son trained his little sister to walk up to strangers and whimper: "My mommy punches me." FML

by uterurist / 11/22/2014 at 1:37pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, I learned that if life gives you lemons, your sister is going to squeeze them over your face while you take a nap on the couch. FML

by ShutUp007 / 11/21/2014 at 9:00pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend bought us plane tickets to Mexico for our "Honeymoon". This would be nice if he had proposed and if we'd been dating for longer than 2 weeks. FML

by anonymous / 11/12/2014 at 12:21am / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, I forgot my library book on a bench then I got on a bus, so I got off at the next stop and walked back to get it. I arrived just in time to see some guy pick it up and hop on another bus. So now I'm not on the bus I needed, and I have to pay for the book. FML

by Loverscry / 11/05/2014 at 5:02pm / United States (Minnesota) / Transportation

Today, I woke up really early to get ready for an interview. I guess it was too early because my mom thought someone broke into our house and now I have two bruised ribs. FML

by nopethanks / 10/31/2014 at 8:05am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

by Bartender / 10/20/2014 at 5:04pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, marks yet again another day that I've been asked if I'm autistic. No, that's just my Korean accent. Apparently I look "too white" to have one. FML

by notautistic / 09/25/2014 at 9:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML

by thebrokentardis / 09/22/2014 at 2:45am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I was checking my schedule online and noticed that I wasn't scheduled for any shifts next week. Not thinking it was a big deal, I called HR to get it corrected, only to find out I was laid off and they "forgot" to tell me. FML

by soontobehobo / 09/07/2014 at 10:31pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I got fired after three days at my new job. They told me it was because of downsizing. They were still interviewing people and had a help wanted sign in the window. FML

by secretninja64 / 08/20/2014 at 11:47pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I heard back from a company that I recently interviewed with. They told me I didn't get the job because "it was obvious that I had been coached." I wasn't. Sorry that I actually researched the company unlike the rest of the nit-wit candidates. FML

by jobless / 07/09/2014 at 1:02am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, my girlfriend asked me where I've always wanted to settle down, and I told her that Italy had always appealed to me. She snorted and told me what a bad idea that was, because "you don't speak French". FML

by HazingNight / 07/02/2014 at 4:46pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at my all-night senior party, I was talking to the blind girl who I haven't had classes with since 9th grade. I unthinkingly opened the conversation with "Nice to see you again." FML

by It'd be nice to see you too. / 06/08/2014 at 10:17pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous