FMLs submitted from Minnesota

Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2015 at 2:43pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was reprimanded at work for having a low friendliness rating as a cashier. For two months, out of 1500 transactions, only 3 people filled out the survey. I almost got fired because 1 out of 3 people was mad about a coupon. FML

by Winterbelle / 04/01/2015 at 9:06pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was told by my boyfriend's parents to never come back to his house again, and was given a lecture about rule breaking. Apparently, curfew is midnight, and he isn't allowed to have girls over. This didn't sound so unreasonable until I remembered that we're both almost 30. FML

by Anasztaizia / 03/26/2015 at 2:58am / United States (Minnesota) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dad decided that the best way to alleviate my crippling depression is to talk to me in a baby voice. FML

by nerderer / 03/15/2015 at 10:57am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, my boss told me I got my new job because she rejected candidates that seemed "too confident" or "too pretty." FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, alone on Valentine's day, I decided to eat chocolate and watch romantic comedies in bed. I had an allergic reaction to the chocolate which sent me to the ER. FML

by Rubyscooby212 / 02/14/2015 at 11:07pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML

by LunaCrow / 02/09/2015 at 9:32pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom came into my room to yell at me because she thought she heard me having sex, saying I'm too young for it. I'm 23 and I wasn't having sex. The noises were from my dad watching porn in the next room. FML

by confused / 01/24/2015 at 10:26pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, I had to repeatedly explain to an increasingly angry lady that no, she couldn't get an ultrasound by using a referral letter from her psychic. FML

by 360whoroscoped / 01/16/2015 at 1:05pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I went to break up with my psychotic bitch of a girlfriend after months of abuse. When she opened the door, her 5-year-old son ran up to me, smiling and calling me "DADDY!" for the first time. Now I don't have the heart to dump the psycho and devastate her son. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2014 at 12:36pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML

by MedStudent90 / 12/11/2014 at 1:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, my son trained his little sister to walk up to strangers and whimper: "My mommy punches me." FML

by uterurist / 11/22/2014 at 1:37pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, I learned that if life gives you lemons, your sister is going to squeeze them over your face while you take a nap on the couch. FML

by ShutUp007 / 11/21/2014 at 9:00pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous