FMLs submitted from Minnesota

Today, my friend and I were racing on our bicycles, when my chain snapped. I went over the handlebars and slid, on my back, for about ten feet. FML

by me / 11/11/2010 at 1:11pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, my girlfriend fell down the stairs and broke her ankle. She also had a bruise on her leg due to her friend biting her. I spent the night in the hospital to be there for her and support her, but I should have expected that the nurses would treat me like a criminal. FML

by khaelian / 11/10/2010 at 12:22pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I drove to the hospital to see my newborn. I went to the room, picked him out of the crate and held him. Then I heard the toilet flush and saw a woman who I didn't know come out. She screamed. My wife was in the room next door. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2010 at 1:30pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, my own boyfriend admitted that he can't name one single thing he likes about me without naming something "physical." FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2010 at 9:23pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of three months told me that he had cheated on me two months ago with my best friend. I decided to give him a second chance. About twenty minutes later, he then broke up with me for not wanting to watch football. Apparently I don't care about his feelings. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2010 at 11:03am / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, my friends threw me a Halloween themed party for my sweet sixteen. When I arrived, one of my friends jumped out from behind the door, dressed as Michael Myers. I peed myself in front of everyone I knew. FML

by lolu / 10/10/2010 at 5:45pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I missed my own surprise party because, having heard it being planned, I though it was going to be an intervention. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2010 at 10:36am / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, I took a cough drop to soothe my sore throat, only to choke, gag, and spend the next ten minutes at the point of vomiting because the bitter lozenge got stuck in my windpipe. FML

by bitter cherry / 09/29/2010 at 5:29pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, my ex-boyfriend asked how long he'd have to wait until he could ask out my best friend. We broke up yesterday. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2010 at 4:42pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, my dad squirted water at me. Fortunately, I blocked it. Unfortunately, I blocked it with my new $200 camera. FML

by coolcucumber / 09/10/2010 at 4:40pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 72 year old Grandmother informed me she's running for mayor. She's been going around town with home made signs all day campaigning to win mayor. She lives in my town. My friend called me asking me if she was high. FML

by AnnaWusHere / 09/03/2010 at 2:18am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that my apartment's walls are thin enough for my neighbors to hear my vibrator. I've lived in this apartment for three years. I've been single and horny for all of them. FML

by Buzzie / 09/02/2010 at 5:09pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, my parents threw out the beautiful birthday cake my aunt made me, and served celery sticks at my party because I need to "watch my weight." FML

by jace17 / 08/24/2010 at 4:34am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous