FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, my father described me as "the sort of sucker women marry then cheat on all the time." My mother agreed with him. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2014 at 1:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I went to my grandma's yard sale, only to find my baby pictures being sold for 25 cents each. FML

by Forge / 10/11/2014 at 10:43am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning on having sex. He first excused himself to the bathroom, then returned with a sad face saying he had fumbled with himself in the bathroom to get "ready" and accidentally came. He said, "I was thinking of you though." FML

by hahaohyeahwow / 09/24/2014 at 12:24am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

by Serire / 09/22/2014 at 8:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

by Anonymous / 09/17/2014 at 5:57pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I tried to scare what I thought was a stray cat away from my friend's car in our work parking garage by hitting the panic button on his keys, which did, indeed, make the creature panic. That's when I learned it was not a cat. It was a skunk. FML

by blazon_paradox / 09/16/2014 at 11:18pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML

by HeIsKindaRightTho / 09/16/2014 at 12:31am / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I caught a customer using his fat to shoplift gum out of a store. FML

by nocat6 / 09/14/2014 at 11:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, it's my birthday, and everyone, family and friends, forgot. Except my dog who left me a present on my bed. FML

by Meowit / 09/06/2014 at 11:06pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2014 at 2:44am / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, was the first day my grandma has seen me since I started going to tanning beds. She is now considering taking me out of her will because I look like "a damn Indian". FML

by kirstyrd / 08/12/2014 at 2:07am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working as a barista, a customer yelled about her muffins and butter not being ready since she only had a "short time to eat". There were 7 tip giving customers ahead of her, but I rushed her order. She gave no tip and stayed for over an hour. FML

by anonymous / 07/16/2014 at 10:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, a customer called the restaurant I work at to ask if our coupons were always valid, or if they expired on the expiration date printed on them. FML

by Shannon / 06/18/2014 at 8:58pm / United States (Michigan) / Work