FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, I received a $105 parking ticket for being in a handicapped space. The lines were covered by snow, and the sign was on the building twenty feet away. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2009 at 3:23am / United States (Michigan) / Transportation

Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I recieved a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three foot range. FML

by lovehurts / 12/28/2009 at 3:41pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

by goblue / 12/21/2009 at 12:20am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on AIM talking to a really cute guy, whom I've had a crush on for forever, when he asked me to video chat. I got so excited and immediately pressed accept, without thinking. Not until he started screaming and cursing did I realize that I was still using my laptop on the toilet. FML

by toiletgirl / 12/14/2009 at 6:26pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I went to my little cousin's school to pick her up and it happened to be my old elementary school. I saw my old teacher and went up to say hi, and after a few minutes she goes "Aren't you the girl who's dad always came in drunk on parent's day?" Nice to know that's how I'm remembered. FML

by Childhood / 12/11/2009 at 10:12pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was getting ready to go to a surprise party I'd planned for my best friend. All was going well on the discretion part until I logged onto Facebook. I saw that my sister had set her status to, "At Natalie's surprise party! BBL!" Natalie had liked it. FML

by surprise / 12/11/2009 at 4:04pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, a repairman woke me up so he could change the filter in my furnace. This would have been fine, except he didn't wake me up until he was already in my room, where I was sleeping naked. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2009 at 10:10pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2009 at 10:59pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months called me. He said his mom was making him choose between having a dog or having a girlfriend. I asked him which one he picked. He was quiet, I heard barking in the background. FML

by WoofWoof / 12/07/2009 at 1:20pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I was taking a placement test for the new college I am going to. After the test and picking up a few numbers, I left with great pride. I opened the door and started walking out. I then realized that I had walked into the closet. FML

by Wrongdoor / 12/06/2009 at 9:58am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was the only employee at a video store where I work when it got robbed. After crying, shaking and spending two hours and dealing with the police, my boss called and told me it was good experience and I would know what to do next time, then made me finish my shift, the night shift, alone. FML

by HP_22 / 12/01/2009 at 11:17am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I told my boyfriend that since I lost my job I can't afford a Christmas present for him, or anyone. He said trying anal would be fine. FML

by ehwat / 11/26/2009 at 12:31am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I realized why my 50 year old Dad's 30 something girlfriend looked so familiar. She is in all my parents wedding photos... as the flower girl. FML

by usmcgirl / 11/17/2009 at 10:18pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous