FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, my mom signed me up for Weight Watchers as a surprise birthday present. FML

by fatman / 08/09/2010 at 10:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I realized every time I go to take a poop, my 9 month old crawls into the bathroom and sobs at my feet. I now have to let my 9 month old sit on my lap while I shit, because I can't do it any other way. The end to all privacy has now come. FML

by mr / 07/27/2010 at 2:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, my mother continued her lifelong habit of talking to anyone who isn't white in extremely slow, exaggerated "caveman" English. She insists that she isn't being racist, but rather is helping. FML

by notmuchfun / 07/20/2010 at 5:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I looked alright for our date. He said, "Honey, you look fine, just don't go out in public like that." FML

by Chey1309 / 06/28/2010 at 11:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my youngest son thought that RedBull actually gave him wings. What it actually gave him was a trip to the ER and 7 stitches. It also gave me a meeting with social services. FML

by DaddyZ / 06/27/2010 at 9:30am / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend moved. I found out when I went over to surprise him with take-out food and he was pulling out of the driveway. He flipped me off as he drove past. FML

by Anony Mous / 06/20/2010 at 7:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML

by gibsonSG323 / 06/14/2010 at 7:13pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I found out that even after a really bad break up and the fact that I left him for someone else, my parents offered my ex-boyfriend to join us on a one week family vacation. He agreed. FML

by justgreatgirl / 06/11/2010 at 7:00pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent hours cleaning the kitchen that my slob roommates always neglect. I scrubbed the floor, emptied the fridge, washed all the dishes, etc. When I was done, I was thirsty so I got myself a soda. I opened the can, and it exploded and sprayed everything I had just washed. FML

by LilyL / 06/06/2010 at 5:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a YouTube channel devoted to taking the camera out whenever he has to fart. FML

by alyssac11 / 05/25/2010 at 12:55am / United States (Michigan) / Geek

Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML

by during / 05/19/2010 at 8:12am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2010 at 4:36pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML

by Anonymous / 03/17/2010 at 3:32pm / United States (Michigan) / Work