FMLs submitted from Michigan

Today, I went to the dentist. I had to get a tooth removed. In the middle of the procedure, the power went out. I had to sit there for an hour to wait for it to come back on. The anesthetic wore off before he started working on me again. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2010 at 4:34pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, my mother gave me an early Christmas present; a Bissell mop so I can "do a better job" when I "clean her floors". FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 6:52pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that the full body wax I got two weeks ago that my wife told me would look sexy doesn't just make me look like a completely hairless ten-year-old boy. The ingrown hairs everywhere now make me look like someone with chicken pox. FML

by mikey / 10/14/2010 at 9:05am / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the channel manually on it, and the channel it's stuck on is currently playing an infomercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump. I've been watching this for an hour now. I'm a female, and I'm beginning to feel like I need this product. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2010 at 6:50am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my mother asked my live-in girlfriend if she's had any problems with me peeing the bed. I haven't wet the bed since I was seven and I'd hoped to take that secret to my grave. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2010 at 6:49pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I was giving my boyfriend road head. He closed his eyes when he came, and crashed into a pole. I have whiplash, and a very very angry father. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 8:47pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my friend's van ran out of gas on an expressway off-ramp. After pushing it to the shoulder, we walked to a gas station and got a can of gas. We got back to the van to find that the battery had died from leaving on the lights and hazards to avoid an accident. FML

by stranded / 09/27/2010 at 1:56am / United States (Michigan) / Transportation

Today, I made exactly 400 flashcards of my vocab that I had to memorize. It took me over 3 hours to make them and hours to remember them. Proud of myself, I showed them to my friends. Then my friends notified me I had memorized the wrong section. FML

by educatttiiioonnn / 09/25/2010 at 8:15pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to pour myself a cup of coffee and noticed our kittens were playing in the living room. Transfixed by the cuteness, I didn't notice I started pouring hot coffee on my hand and foot. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 3:20pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, I grabbed a handful of crackers from the kitchen, only to find it crawling with bugs. Apparently, my brother had made the same discovery earlier, but put the box of crackers back in the cupboard anyway. FML

by thanksbro / 09/20/2010 at 3:26pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, I got lost trying to find the hospital my sister was giving birth in. I stopped at a store to call my mom for directions. A cop pulled up beside me and knocked loudly on my window asking me to get out. The store had been robbed and I am now a suspect. FML

by Anonymous / 09/15/2010 at 8:40pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, in marching band, the guy in front of me backed up too far. As we turned, the back of his trombone hit mine, smashing it into my lip. I had to finish the song, sending blood down my horn. FML

by Anonymous / 09/15/2010 at 5:20pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got fired for taking time off to see my sister in the hospital after she got in a car accident. Before I got fired, I found out my boss took time off because her horoscope said she should. FML

by Anonymous / 09/03/2010 at 5:00pm / United States (Michigan) / Work