FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman returned to the drive thru because her fries weren't hot enough. She was so angry about coming back that she threw her cold fries at me through the window and told me to "choke on them." FML

by fastfoodslave / 09/06/2014 at 2:11am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

by Anonymous / 08/28/2014 at 12:34am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I was taking a customer's order, when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2014 at 11:30am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

by spekledworf / 08/05/2014 at 7:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had trouble carrying a box upstairs because my arms were sore from working out. My mom asked me, "Why are you working out so much then?" I didn't have the heart to tell her it was because of her 100-pound weight gain and that I didn't want to end up looking like her. FML

by jogginglikeitsmyjob / 07/31/2014 at 7:51am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man, and that my ass was grounds for discussion." FML

by tlm84 / 07/27/2014 at 10:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my sister stole my phone, pretended to be me, and tried breaking up with my boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 07/26/2014 at 11:35am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 7:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I nearly had an anxiety attack trying to sneak up on my sister to silly-string her. FML

by cassieono / 07/10/2014 at 5:28pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was showing the guy I like something on my phone. My period tracking app decided it was the perfect time to tell me that I need to stock up on tampons, because I'm getting my period tomorrow. FML

by blood buddies / 07/03/2014 at 1:53pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I woke up loudly screaming from a "night" terror. I say "night"; I was actually at my desk at work, in the middle of the day, surrounded by dozens of co-workers in their cubicles. FML

by Whoopsie / 06/30/2014 at 3:51pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I got the same feeling in my chest when I orgasmed as when I hit a hard section in Guitar Hero. FML

by massachusettsan / 06/24/2014 at 8:07pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, after being a vegetarian for 5 years, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has secretly been feeding me meat. His reason is that he thinks it's "funny" that I still call myself a vegetarian afterwards. FML

by secret meat / 06/20/2014 at 10:04pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love