FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, I learned that the blisters that popped up this morning on my hands and feet are a result of a virus that takes two weeks to fully heal. After I told my roommates to be careful, one of them decided that NOW was a good time to tell us she had it last week. FML

by Anonymous / 11/05/2014 at 5:52pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, my sweet tooth went to a whole different level when I took a swig out of a bottle of maple syrup. FML

by TonyTalkingClock / 11/04/2014 at 7:48am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

by highfive / 10/16/2014 at 9:27pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, it's my mom's birthday. Got the perfect gift, the perfect card and of course the perfect cake. Well, it was the perfect cake until my dog's ass crushed it. FML

by Justified12 / 10/13/2014 at 10:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, as I was about to leave home for my first sweet taste of freedom at my new apartment, my car died. I'm stuck here for at least the weekend and can look forward to my mom driving me to work. Freedom. FML

by gonesofast / 10/09/2014 at 1:53pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, I finally got around to cleaning out my mother's things after her passing. In the process I found a fancy box. What did it contain? A collection of crack pipes. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2014 at 10:58am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2014 at 2:48pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML

by jazzie7719 / 09/28/2014 at 3:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, someone in my class referred to the September 11th attacks as "Nine-Elevs". FML

by no / 09/10/2014 at 9:47pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman returned to the drive thru because her fries weren't hot enough. She was so angry about coming back that she threw her cold fries at me through the window and told me to "choke on them." FML

by fastfoodslave / 09/06/2014 at 2:11am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

by Anonymous / 08/28/2014 at 12:34am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I was taking a customer's order, when she said she'd better go for a salad, because she was getting fat. She was actually very slim, so I told her she wasn't fat at all. She took one look at me and snorted "Yeah, not compared to you, that's for sure." FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2014 at 11:30am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

by spekledworf / 08/05/2014 at 7:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous