FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, I asked out a girl that I've liked for a while. She thought I was joking and laughed, saying, "No. Have you met yourself?" FML

by SilverZephyr / 01/16/2015 at 7:49am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I got undressed in front of my boyfriend for the first time. His reaction? "You're chubbier than I expected". FML

by reallyson? / 01/12/2015 at 12:28am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I decorated my boyfriend's house for Christmas as a surprise, just in time for him and his family to come home. Also just in time for him to tell me he's Jewish. FML

by cwhitney7 / 12/22/2014 at 10:04am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

by ScottyB / 12/22/2014 at 3:05am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my fiancé pawned off my engagement ring so he could buy himself a PS4. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2014 at 3:00pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

Today, I put a picture on Facebook of me without makeup. A "friend" commented: "fuk me thts hideus!!" My dad replied: "Hideous, yes, just like your godawful spelling!" My mom yelled at my dad for agreeing with the guy, and they're still fighting. Meanwhile, my self-esteem is in the gutter. FML

by fistycunt4 / 12/06/2014 at 3:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working in a restaurant, a woman told me I was completely incompetent, was the worst hostess she'd ever seen, and that she would call my district manager non-stop until I was fired. I'd clocked in less than 10 minutes before and hadn't said a single word to her. FML

by christinamarie17 / 12/04/2014 at 1:57am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I asked my girlfriend's father for permission to take his daughter's hand in marriage. He asked me "Which one?" I said "Uh, the one I'm dating... Lisa." He belched and said, "Yeah sure, throw 'er off a cliff for all I care. Piss off, boy." So much for chivalry. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2014 at 4:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2014 at 9:43pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, I learned that the blisters that popped up this morning on my hands and feet are a result of a virus that takes two weeks to fully heal. After I told my roommates to be careful, one of them decided that NOW was a good time to tell us she had it last week. FML

by Anonymous / 11/05/2014 at 5:52pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, my sweet tooth went to a whole different level when I took a swig out of a bottle of maple syrup. FML

by TonyTalkingClock / 11/04/2014 at 7:48am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

by highfive / 10/16/2014 at 9:27pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, it's my mom's birthday. Got the perfect gift, the perfect card and of course the perfect cake. Well, it was the perfect cake until my dog's ass crushed it. FML

by Justified12 / 10/13/2014 at 10:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.