Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, I was babysitting an eleven year old boy. He decided we should play with nerf guns with velcro tips. I shot him in the crotch accidentally, and the dart stuck on his pants wiggling for about a full minute before his dad walked in to find us both staring at his son's crotch, giggling. FML

#256188
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44942) - you deserved it (12015)

On 03/09/2009 at 10:04pm - kids - by xoVioLoveox (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

#245374
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68942) - you deserved it (22298)

On 03/08/2009 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by lovewedge (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML

#238786
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54578) - you deserved it (3902)

On 03/07/2009 at 11:28pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was on my way home from a friends house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML

#194766
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (98728) - you deserved it (6179)

On 03/03/2009 at 11:20am - intimacy - by hlev24 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was walking down the street when a homeless man asked me for some spare change. I told him I didn't have any. I then tripped. Not only spilling the soda I was drinking all over myself, but also spilling the spare change I had from buying it. FML

#187385
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15199) - you deserved it (103196)

On 03/02/2009 at 7:11pm - money - by hlev24 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend and his family had invited me to go on a Tropical family trip with them. When we got to the airport, security stopped me and opened my carry-on bag. I'd forgotten about the no-liquids rule. They took out a bottle of Massage Oil, Lube, Vagasil and Nair. His whole family saw. FML

#173589
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24545) - you deserved it (64332)

On 03/01/2009 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by Kammy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML

#154795
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15819) - you deserved it (34733)

On 02/27/2009 at 6:09pm - misc - by tan disaster - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, during a game of manhunt, my brother and his friends thought it would be funny to tie me to a telelphone pole with my very own multicolored jumprope from when I was younger. They left me there. My mom drove by, stared and then laughed, She kept driving. FML

#153350
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58389) - you deserved it (4751)

On 02/27/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I came back from college and visited my parents house. There was a new family portrait hung over the mantel of my parents and 2 sisters. My mom had always wanted one but always postponed it. It was dated the day after I left for college. FML

#134893
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55449) - you deserved it (2312)

On 02/25/2009 at 5:06pm - misc - by xoothc08 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

#93640
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28806) - you deserved it (48632)

On 02/21/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by acincollege (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML

#90754
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17364) - you deserved it (113907)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found a note in my locker from a really hot guy asking me to prom. I went up to him saying how excited I was to go. He said "Oh you got the note?" and slipped it into the locker next to me. FML

#88303
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40591) - you deserved it (2251)

On 02/20/2009 at 1:42pm - misc - by caitiexob - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML

#79663
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16154) - you deserved it (31975)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm - work - by wow (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: