FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, my friends told me, "Don't worry about your bad acne. It kind of looks like the pattern the avatars have on their heads." FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2010 at 3:27pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandma called me to tell me that a couple of cute boys stopped by her house to borrow something. She told them all about me, and that I would be interested in them. My love life is so pathetic, even my grandmother is trying to hook me up. FML

by loveless / 02/18/2010 at 12:07am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I received a letter in the mail. The letter was from a woman who explained to me every single detail of a three month affair she had with my husband. She included pictures. FML

by tj85 / 02/17/2010 at 2:49pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML

by MisterBrown / 02/15/2010 at 2:08am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, while out for our romantic Valentine's dinner, my boyfriend of 2 and a half years told me that he believes in females being subservient, that I'm not allowed to have opinions anymore, that he is "the alpha dog" and I'm merely the "beta dog", and that I have to "get used to it." FML

by Shirley / 02/14/2010 at 7:43pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, while working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML

by mallcop / 02/14/2010 at 12:07am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I was babysitting. The kid said he had to use the bathroom. When I told him to go ahead, he said he just did. He was on my lap. He wasn't wearing pants. FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2010 at 8:33am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my dad got a hard-on looking at my best friend. He asked me how my NutriSystem diet was going. He was looking at my friend's boobs when he asked me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2010 at 7:23am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, while on my way to the break room, it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and giving me odd looks. I asked my friend, "Did I get prettier overnight or something?" She answered, "No, your shirt is just see-through." FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2010 at 1:24pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother gave my daughter a behavior chart. I noticed that "drinking beer" was at the top of one of the columns. It's a chart for my daughter to use on me so my mother can judge my parenting skills. I am currently losing a sticker right now for being on the computer. FML

by argh / 02/01/2010 at 8:17am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my window fell out of the wall, landed on my head, and shattered. I waited 6 hours to get 23 stitches in the emergency room. When I got home, I found a bill. I owe my landlord $130 to replace the window. They won't fix it until I pay up. FML

by dani1104 / 01/29/2010 at 3:49am / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my little brother learned to write his name. How did he tell the family? By writing it in permanent marker all over my 100 year old piano. FML

by onemoreruinedthing / 01/23/2010 at 7:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I was in one of two hot tubs with my dad at a vacation resort, when 3 good looking guys walked into the pool area. My dad moved to the other hot tub so the guys could hang out in the one I was in. They came outside, passed my hot tub, and went into the one my dad just moved into. FML

by pictureperfect678 / 01/18/2010 at 9:06pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Holidays