FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, my parents found out that my younger brother has been smoking pot. As his punishment, he can't be home alone anymore. And apparently, I'm now his full-time babysitter since I "don't have a life anyway." FML

by junko / 11/17/2015 at 8:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I started to tell my step-dad about a funny video I came across online last night. He cut me off by saying "Yeah? Well I came across your mom's face last night!" then left for work with a shit-eating grin on his face. I could've gone the rest of my life without knowing that. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2015 at 6:47am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I agreed to go on a date with this really nice guy. Halfway through the date he starts talking about his wife and kids. FML

by Lori / 11/04/2015 at 1:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I took my nephew to the roller rink and I broke not one arm but both. Now I can't even wipe. FML

by Broken / 11/03/2015 at 1:13pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I babysat for my neighbor's brat kid. The mom gave me $15 for 5 hours. I complained to my mom when I got home because last time I got $15/hour. Turns out my mom had told my neighbor that she thought they'd paid me too much last time. Thanks mom. Thanks. FML

by Thanks a lot / 10/22/2015 at 9:27pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my long time girlfriend flew across the country to visit. My asshat roommate decided to introduce himself to her while I was in the bathroom. She left and won't answer my calls. He won't tell me what he said to her. FML

by wellshitthen / 10/21/2015 at 3:30pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at our wedding, instead of saying "I do", my fiancé paused before saying, "I can't do this", stepped down from the altar and proposed to my maid of honor. When she obviously refused, he ran from the venue bawling. He's not returning my calls. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2015 at 12:46am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I went to clean my cat's litter box, not realizing she was in it. As I lifted the top half of the litter box up, she sprayed me with piss. FML

by Js2cool / 09/28/2015 at 10:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2015 at 1:09am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got fired from my childcare job of five years because the other staff weren't as popular with the kids, so they accused me of being "creepy" because the kids all wanted to play a game with me instead of them. FML

by Anonymous / 09/01/2015 at 12:40am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, a fifth grader gave me a note from his "father" excusing him from PE. It was riddled with spelling errors and shockingly poor grammar, so I rejected it as a blatant fake. Several hours later, I was informed by his very angry father that it wasn't actually fake. FML

by shit.jpg / 08/25/2015 at 3:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I scolded my son at a buffet after he pointed at an obese woman in a motorized wheelchair and asked how anyone could let themselves get so unhealthy. As I lectured him on genetics and thyroid problems, she rolled past with a plate stacked with an obscene amount of fried food. FML

by fuck / 08/21/2015 at 2:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, my dad remarried, but he didn't want me to come. I'm told he didn't want me to ruin his pictures or make his guests feel uncomfortable, all because I had my leg amputated in April. FML

by LoveIsOneSided / 08/18/2015 at 12:39am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health