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FMLs submitted from Massachusetts

Today, I came inside a girl's vagina by accident. Neither one of us wants her to be pregnant, and I had to spend half an hour with her sitting on my face, while I sucked my own cum out of her. I don't even know if this will work. FML

#21524955
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4639) - you deserved it (24338)

On 02/10/2016 at 9:12pm - intimacy - by nickncik (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after a snowstorm my son decided that boarding off the roof onto my truck would be fun. My truck now has a puncture wound. The same truck that drove him to the hospital for his puncture wound and broken arm. FML

#21523317
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18255) - you deserved it (1642)

On 02/06/2016 at 6:56am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my parents called me to ask if I could drop my dog off to them on Sunday. They're having a Superbowl party and want to show her off to their guests. My dog is invited, but I'm not. FML

#21522725
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20369) - you deserved it (1501)

On 02/04/2016 at 10:16am - animals - by uninvited (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was taking a dump at work. I had my two-way radio attached to the back of my belt. When I stood up and pulled my pants up, I managed to send the antenna straight up my butt. FML

#21520186
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19940) - you deserved it (4351)

On 01/27/2016 at 7:29pm - misc - by poopsicle (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my friends and I were goofing off playing tag behind the local church, when I heard a banshee-like wail behind me. Assuming it was one of my friends, I wailed right back and ran. Turned out there was actually a funeral going on, and the wail was from one of the bereaved. FML

#21520005
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17484) - you deserved it (7047)

On 01/27/2016 at 8:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I finally had sex after a year-long dry spell. It caused an ovarian cyst to rupture and ended up with me in the ER. I'm afraid to ever have sex again. FML

#21515546
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21419) - you deserved it (1847)

On 01/15/2016 at 11:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I took a coach bus to travel to New York. Along the way, the bus stopped at Burger King and I went out to buy some food. When I got back, I couldn't find the bus. It left without me. FML

#21506719
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20343) - you deserved it (3164)

On 12/22/2015 at 10:44pm - misc - by natalie_sarantos (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was in class and I smelled what I thought was month-old trash coming from a student in front of me. I politely ignored the smell, only to realize a few hours later that the persistent smell wasn't coming from every student in my university, but was from my shoes. FML

#21506480
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18916) - you deserved it (7888)

On 12/22/2015 at 4:26am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at work, I used my foot to flush the toilet, lost my balance, and ended up catching myself with my foot in the toilet. FML

#21500589
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19335) - you deserved it (10232)

On 12/06/2015 at 12:06am - work - by gmian (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at my wedding reception, my wife's Grandfather decided to sing for everyone. The first words out of his mouth once he got the microphone were, "I'm a Senior Swinger." I had to explain to my appalled guests that it was just the name of the chorus group at his retirement home. FML

#21500533
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20515) - you deserved it (1743)

On 12/05/2015 at 8:46pm - misc - by ohnohedidnt (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while working at my desk alone and with my headphones in, I suddenly let loose a loud stream of gas. As I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I saw, in the reflection of my laptop, that my roommate had been sitting silently on the couch right behind me. FML

#21499834
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19119) - you deserved it (4213)

On 12/03/2015 at 10:21pm - health - by yayibs - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend and I got caught doing it in her parent's bed by her mom. Instead of making me leave, they forced me to stay for dinner. FML

#21497961
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20111) - you deserved it (26735)

On 11/28/2015 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by aj513 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boss forced me to come into work despite having a bad cold. While waiting a table, I violently sneezed and sprayed a child's face with snot. His dad got so pissed that my boss had to pretend to fire me just to calm him down. FML

#21496603
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23941) - you deserved it (2390)

On 11/25/2015 at 8:37am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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