FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML

by need sleep / 02/25/2015 at 11:53am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend was feeling a little down, so I tried to console her. She said she just needed space and I respected that. Then an hour later she was fine, so I asked how she did it. She replied that she talked to her ex for a whole hour. This is a common procedure. FML

by krh14 / 02/10/2015 at 7:59am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, my boss informed me I couldn't go on my "vacation" because he's leaving for one of his employees' weddings. That just so happens to be my wedding, for which I'm taking the vacation. FML

by bruhandbutercup / 02/02/2015 at 7:08pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had food poisoning and woke up early in the morning to vomit. My mom emailed all of my teachers saying that I would be late to school because of "morning sickness". Thanks mom. FML

by Lunab123 / 01/31/2015 at 9:43pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. I called the fire department and told them where I was. They said they'd be right there and not to panic. It's hour 6. FML

by random875 / 01/07/2015 at 1:03am / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, I got fired from my job because my boss thinks that me doing everything he says makes me untrustworthy. FML

by zacharynedley / 01/05/2015 at 7:16pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2015 at 5:14pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I got a letter from my long time boyfriend asking me to meet him at the place we first met for a "surprise". I can't remember where that even is. FML

by lunab123 / 12/31/2014 at 3:59pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I went to dinner at my parents' house. I was going to surprise them by introducing them to my new boyfriend. They decided to surprise me too, by inviting my ex to the dinner. Everyone was surprised tonight. FML

by Michelle / 12/05/2014 at 10:35pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I discovered that the reason the phone I've had for a year takes such terrible and cloudy pictures is because I never took the plastic coating off the lens. FML

by ShadowReiku / 12/01/2014 at 11:41pm / United States (Maryland) / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML

by annababyyyy / 11/10/2014 at 12:01am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

by Awkward / 10/21/2014 at 8:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Geek

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

by team hit bella with a car / 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids