FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I started dreaming about being at work. I already work more hours a week than I requested, and I live right across from my work and can see it out my window. I can never leave. FML

by helpme / 11/23/2015 at 12:00pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I sliced my finger on a frozen chicken cutlet. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 4:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I attended my school's special invitation-only awards ceremony, relieved that I was getting a much-needed scholarship. I watched all my friends go up and win scholarships. In the end, I only got a certificate for doing well on the PSAT. My whole family showed up for this. FML

by crushedsoul / 11/05/2015 at 4:34pm / United States (Maryland) / Money

Today, I was fired from my job because I would "scare" the customers. Two days ago a coworker spilled fry oil onto the grill causing flames to singe my eyebrows and the front of my hair off. FML

by RandomLG94 / 10/31/2015 at 4:35pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, after submitting my college application, I noticed that I mistyped "math enthusiast" as "meth enthusiast". FML

by RIPcareer / 10/18/2015 at 3:18pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, my grandpa passed away. The only emotion my dad showed was anger, because my grandpa owed my dad money. Now he wants to take it from my grandma, like he's some sort of mobster. FML

by failing / 10/16/2015 at 12:40pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dick of a neighbor tried to file a noise complaint against me, all because I have the flu and am sneezing a lot. FML

by ACCCHHHOOOO!!!!!!!!! -_- / 09/04/2015 at 11:48am / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, my mother woke me up by putting a beer on my face. After 15 minutes of her telling me to "just take a sip" and me rejecting it, I finally did just to shut her up. She then yelled at me for giving in to "peer pressure". FML

by Good Parenting? / 06/26/2015 at 12:38pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbor's son siphoned the fuel out of my lawn mower and put it in his car. What he didn't realize is that the fuel mixture I use in my lawn mower would ruin his car engine. His dad says it's my fault and actually insists I should pay his pissant son's repair bill. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2015 at 8:42am / United States (Maryland) / Money

Today, on my second day as a lifeguard, I locked myself out of the pool. My angry guests and I had to wait for 45 minutes for my manager to arrive and unlock the gate. FML

by explosivepeach / 05/29/2015 at 9:34pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I found out that the reason why my boyfriend has been denying me sex isn't because he is scared of someone walking in on us. It's because his blow-up doll pleasures him more than I do. FML

by MarieAmber18 / 05/28/2015 at 2:05pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I got a friend request on Facebook. It's from the person who crashed into my car earlier in the month. It's funny that she doesn't return my calls or messages, but liked my status about the accident. FML

by iamgodzilla / 05/13/2015 at 10:55pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML

by oops / 05/11/2015 at 12:40pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous