FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, we had some workers come to paint my office building. As a receptionist, it's my job to stock the fridge with soda. I walked into the supply closet just in time to find a worker peeing in a bucket. I stood there for about 10 seconds before I understood what was happening and ran out. FML

by onlyolivia / 02/11/2016 at 2:55pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I shared with my doctor that I still feel uncomfortable with my medication. She expressed surprise, saying, "Really? By now I would've thought it'd be routine." Sorry, no. In three months, I have not gotten used to sticking a syringe up my butt and injecting my rectum full of medicated foam. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2016 at 9:22pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, my dad thought it was a great idea to text me and say he decided to put our dog down. I was in the middle of class and still had hours left at school. It's not fun to walk across campus holding back tears. FML

by wideeyeddays / 02/02/2016 at 3:05pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, while crying at my grandma's funeral I was told to man up. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2016 at 1:47am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML

by motherfucked / 01/15/2016 at 12:07pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors. They have a four month old child and appear to be firm believers in the "let them cry it out" philosophy. The baby's room is right above mine. A few days of trying to sleep through this shit and I'll look like a Walking Dead extra. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2016 at 8:17am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when a guy cut me off at a light. I honked and swore at him when a bug flew into my mouth. FML

by Knaxer / 12/12/2015 at 12:22pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation

Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 3:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my anxiety cockblocked me. I was in the middle of a wank, about to come, when I suddenly freaked out and had to stop and check to make sure I didn't have any homework due tomorrow. FML

by helpme / 11/24/2015 at 1:34am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I started dreaming about being at work. I already work more hours a week than I requested, and I live right across from my work and can see it out my window. I can never leave. FML

by helpme / 11/23/2015 at 12:00pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I sliced my finger on a frozen chicken cutlet. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 4:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I attended my school's special invitation-only awards ceremony, relieved that I was getting a much-needed scholarship. I watched all my friends go up and win scholarships. In the end, I only got a certificate for doing well on the PSAT. My whole family showed up for this. FML

by crushedsoul / 11/05/2015 at 4:34pm / United States (Maryland) / Money

Today, I was fired from my job because I would "scare" the customers. Two days ago a coworker spilled fry oil onto the grill causing flames to singe my eyebrows and the front of my hair off. FML

by RandomLG94 / 10/31/2015 at 4:35pm / United States (Maryland) / Work