Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, my mom bought me some expensive Japanese candy. I opened it, and saw that each chewy candy was wrapped in a thin, hard to peel off wrapper. After trying to get each wrapper off, I determined they were unopen-able and threw them away. I then read the box, saying the wrappers were edible. FML

#10645827
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7790) - you deserved it (54354)

On 05/20/2010 at 8:37am - misc - by Candy - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was reading a magazine while straightening my hair. I got really into this one article until suddenly a huge clump of hair fell on it. I looked up and realized I had burned through the layer of hair I was straightening, leaving me with one layer at ear length and the rest at bra length. FML

#10512459
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9094) - you deserved it (45433)

On 05/13/2010 at 7:31pm - misc - by errints234234 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I decided to wear my Ugg boots to work. I forgot that my office is carpeted and that the fur in my boots makes me shock every metal thing I touch. I work with computers all day. FML

#9021346
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8043) - you deserved it (34286)

On 03/12/2010 at 11:39am - work - by jewel87 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I discovered that my mother uses my eyebrow tweezers to pull ticks off the dog. She also hasn't figured out that just dipping the tweezers in alcohol doesn't automatically sterilize them. Especially if there is icky dog hair still stuck on. FML

#8958709
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22875) - you deserved it (3040)

On 03/09/2010 at 10:12pm - health - by whoanoa (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is getting engaged. He broke up with me five months ago because our relationship was too serious for him. FML

#8893586
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31050) - you deserved it (2628)

On 03/07/2010 at 2:20pm - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, it was nice out, so I drove with my car windows down. I was stopped trying to turn onto a busy highway, when a car turned off the highway right next to me, hit a pothole, and splashed dirty water into my window and into my open mouth. FML

#8800523
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23380) - you deserved it (3989)

On 03/03/2010 at 3:16pm - misc - by pothole - United States (Maryland)

Today, my younger sister said that she was going to pray for her brother's HIV. I have Primary Immune Disease (PID) not HIV. School will be very interesting tomorrow. FML

#8725827
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28123) - you deserved it (1830)

On 02/28/2010 at 7:03pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was working as a cashier at a restaurant. When I receive $50 and $100 bills I am required to have a manager check to make sure they are not counterfeit. Every manager I found yelled at me to find another manager because they were busy. Frustrated, I just accepted the bill. It was fake. FML

#8643590
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35463) - you deserved it (6341)

On 02/25/2010 at 5:29pm - work - by hatemyjob (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

#8488357
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33516) - you deserved it (4010)

On 02/20/2010 at 7:03pm - kids - by Scaryman (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML

#8445631
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28191) - you deserved it (4983)

On 02/19/2010 at 3:18pm - love - by wtfuraretard (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I chuckled at a "no smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

#8417763
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6276) - you deserved it (68228)

On 02/18/2010 at 8:11pm - misc - by kaycie_lynn (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to X-ray an 81 year old lady. The clothes she was wearing would show up on the X-ray so I had to make her change into a gown. I found out the hard way that 81 year olds still go commando. FML

#8369327
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24836) - you deserved it (2926)

On 02/17/2010 at 7:50am - work - by ugamayne - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend and I were waiting for the bus. The weather had been cold and snowy recently, and I realized I'd forgotten my transit card. She nonetheless got on the bus without me. I had to walk it alone in the snow. FML

#8361360
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22665) - you deserved it (8686)

On 02/17/2010 at 12:03am - love - by kippis05 - United States (Maryland)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: