FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML

by jshi8 / 08/04/2011 at 10:35am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went bowling with my parents. This cute guy works there and he always flirts with me. My mom just so happened to see it today. As we left, she says to him "You know she's 13, right?" I'm 17. FML

by Michelle / 08/03/2011 at 2:01am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

by bigjohn106 / 07/17/2011 at 8:34am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, after having not used my laptop since January because I thought it was broken, I found out that the key lock has been on the whole time. FML

by shouldhavecheckedthelock / 05/28/2011 at 9:56pm / United States (Maryland) / Geek

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML

by OhDear / 05/24/2011 at 9:34pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

by JCC / 05/18/2011 at 6:57am / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, I asked my friend to stop texting me, because I'm on a limited plan and didn't want to go over my limit. She responded by getting a group of her friends to text bomb me. I got well over a hundred one-word texts. FML

by Text / 04/25/2011 at 12:27pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm the "lucky" type of woman who can experience intense orgasms in certain positions: in the middle of group yoga. FML

by nightDREAMERms / 04/23/2011 at 10:55am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend said to me, "You know how I know I love you? I don't want you to leave after we have sex." He thinks that's a compliment. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2011 at 9:47am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My boyfriend and I have been dying to have kids together. This would be an exciting moment if he wasn't deploying in June and will miss everything except the morning sickness. FML

by AFGirlfriend / 03/28/2011 at 3:10pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, my crush gave me a ride home. When I opened the door to get out, he switched the gear to reverse, thinking the car was in park. I got run over by the car door. FML

by boom / 03/17/2011 at 5:26pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, the bus came to pick up my daughter to take her to kindergarten. When it honked, I opened the door for her to let her run out to it. Halfway there she tripped and started crying. I couldn't run out because I was still in my underwear. Now her bus thinks I'm the worst mom ever. FML

by mommylovesu / 03/14/2011 at 10:25pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, I fell down some steps, and my dad laughed at me. He then changed his facebook status to "My kid's an idiot." FML

by Ihavealisp / 02/15/2011 at 9:32pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous