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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, my grandpa passed away. The only emotion my dad showed was anger, because my grandpa owed my dad money. Now he wants to take it from my grandma, like he's some sort of mobster. FML

#21480751
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23750) - you deserved it (1411)

On 10/16/2015 at 12:40pm - misc - by failing (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my dick of a neighbor tried to file a noise complaint against me, all because I have the flu and am sneezing a lot. FML

#21464483
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24742) - you deserved it (1470)

On 09/04/2015 at 11:48am - health - by ACCCHHHOOOO!!!!!!!!! -_- (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mother woke me up by putting a beer on my face. After 15 minutes of her telling me to "just take a sip" and me rejecting it, I finally did just to shut her up. She then yelled at me for giving in to "peer pressure". FML

#21432298
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27886) - you deserved it (2719)

On 06/26/2015 at 12:38pm - misc - by Good Parenting? - United States (Maryland)

Today, my neighbor's son siphoned the fuel out of my lawn mower and put it in his car. What he didn't realize is that the fuel mixture I use in my lawn mower would ruin his car engine. His dad says it's my fault and actually insists I should pay his pissant son's repair bill. FML

#21425373
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35813) - you deserved it (1984)

On 06/13/2015 at 8:42am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, on my second day as a lifeguard, I locked myself out of the pool. My angry guests and I had to wait for 45 minutes for my manager to arrive and unlock the gate. FML

#21417788
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25260) - you deserved it (5628)

On 05/29/2015 at 9:34pm - work - by explosivepeach - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out that the reason why my boyfriend has been denying me sex isn't because he is scared of someone walking in on us. It's because his blow-up doll pleasures him more than I do. FML

#21417148
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32928) - you deserved it (5747)

On 05/28/2015 at 2:05pm - intimacy - by MarieAmber18 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got a friend request on Facebook. It's from the person who crashed into my car earlier in the month. It's funny that she doesn't return my calls or messages, but liked my status about the accident. FML

#21409756
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29021) - you deserved it (2047)

On 05/13/2015 at 10:55pm - work - by iamgodzilla (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML

#21408368
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28069) - you deserved it (9326)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:40pm - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

#21403757
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32766) - you deserved it (4829)

On 05/03/2015 at 3:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to the yearly town carnival with my friends. I hadn't slept well the night before and when I got onto the scariest ride, I somehow fell half asleep. I woke up upside down and ended up peeing myself in terror. FML

#21403515
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30295) - you deserved it (5125)

On 05/02/2015 at 5:59pm - misc - by Upside-Down Sleeper. - United States (Maryland)

Today, I visited my girlfriend's apartment for the first time. I guess she forgot to do some spring cleaning before I showed up, because I saw my laptop on her couch. The same laptop that was stolen from my house along with several other valuables last week. FML

#21387302
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36743) - you deserved it (2750)

On 04/04/2015 at 12:04am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML

#21363273
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30815) - you deserved it (2221)

On 02/25/2015 at 11:53am - misc - by need sleep - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend was feeling a little down, so I tried to console her. She said she just needed space and I respected that. Then an hour later she was fine, so I asked how she did it. She replied that she talked to her ex for a whole hour. This is a common procedure. FML

#21353256
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38670) - you deserved it (4971)

On 02/10/2015 at 7:59am - love - by krh14 - United States (Maryland)



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