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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. I called the fire department and told them where I was. They said they'd be right there and not to panic. It's hour 6. FML

#21332463
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33280) - you deserved it (2049)

On 01/07/2015 at 1:03am - health - by random875 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got fired from my job because my boss thinks that me doing everything he says makes me untrustworthy. FML

#21331517
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30320) - you deserved it (2181)

On 01/05/2015 at 7:16pm - work - by zacharynedley - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

#21329473
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30677) - you deserved it (9502)

On 01/02/2015 at 5:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got a letter from my long time boyfriend asking me to meet him at the place we first met for a "surprise". I can't remember where that even is. FML

#21327916
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28426) - you deserved it (11920)

On 12/31/2014 at 3:59pm - love - by lunab123 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to dinner at my parents' house. I was going to surprise them by introducing them to my new boyfriend. They decided to surprise me too, by inviting my ex to the dinner. Everyone was surprised tonight. FML

#21312253
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37108) - you deserved it (2858)

On 12/05/2014 at 10:35pm - love - by Michelle - United States (Maryland)

Today, I discovered that the reason the phone I've had for a year takes such terrible and cloudy pictures is because I never took the plastic coating off the lens. FML

Today, my boyfriend pretended to be reading braille while touching my chest acne. FML

#21295903
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41686) - you deserved it (7128)

On 11/10/2014 at 12:01am - intimacy - by annababyyyy - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

#21282666
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15417) - you deserved it (24056)

On 10/21/2014 at 8:36pm - misc - by Awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

#21281374
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32360) - you deserved it (3043)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm - kids - by team hit bella with a car (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was going to put some Italian dressing on my salad when I noticed that the oil and vinegar weren't mixed. After putting the cap back on, I shook as hard as I could. The cap came flying off and I showered myself in the dressing. FML

#21258902
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28511) - you deserved it (8748)

On 09/15/2014 at 5:37pm - misc - by imamess (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I realized that my dog is a pro at pooping directly in shoes. FML

#21257810
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36282) - you deserved it (3763)

On 09/13/2014 at 11:38pm - animals - by new dog - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was driving to the DMV to take a test, after getting some points removed from my license. On the way there, I got a speeding ticket and got my license suspended completely. FML

#21256258
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18266) - you deserved it (48833)

On 09/11/2014 at 11:44am - misc - by hockusa3 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

#21250887
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46884) - you deserved it (6117)

On 09/02/2014 at 11:18pm - love - by very punny (man) - United States (Maryland)



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