FMLs submitted from Maryland

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my boss why the flowers I got her for her birthday the other day were in the conference room and not her office. She told me she was allergic to them and she had such a bad reaction that it made her go home early. I made my boss sick on her birthday. FML

by onlyolivia / 10/05/2016 at 10:43am / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I was afraid that one of their many cats would pee on me. I was peed on all right, by my grandma. FML

by Anonymous / 09/14/2016 at 8:35pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found the dog I lost while I was dog sitting. It was with its new adoptive family. FML

by mista hunna / 09/08/2016 at 1:31am / United States (Maryland) / Animals

Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML

by BiteMe / 08/30/2016 at 7:29pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, I tried talking to the very quiet girl in my grade. We were having a conversation when a very hot guy walked into the cafeteria. I said to the girl, "The things I would do for him…" She looked at me dead in the eye and said, "That's my boyfriend." FML

by QuietGirlSucks / 08/30/2016 at 11:51am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was happy because my co-worker was almost about to get fired due to his lazy habits. It was all going so well. Then I accidentally put my biggest sale yet under his name. FML

by darianvilla / 07/22/2016 at 7:35pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, my eldest daughter told me about the sharp pains she's been having for the past couple of days. She also told me how she thinks it's really pointy carrots trying to escape her body. She's 11, and going to middle school. FML

by disappointed / 06/30/2016 at 11:31pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, while trying to go to sleep, I could hear snoring from my boyfriend's side of the bed. I'm not sure who was louder, him or the dog. FML

by Angsty_Armadillo / 06/28/2016 at 5:36am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while in class, my friend would not stop annoying me by tapping me on the shoulder every so often. After the fifth time, I lost my patience, told him to F off, and slapped his hand. Only it wasn't my friend tapping my shoulder this time, it was my teacher. FML

by gettinganF / 05/23/2016 at 7:57am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I both got smart watches. We were running around, acting like we were in a James Bond movie, having fun. Until our neighbors called the cops on us for hiding in their bushes. FML

by nykkymcallister / 05/18/2016 at 11:07pm / United States (Maryland) / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while at dinner with my wife, she asked me what was on my mind as I stared blankly at the window. "Nothing" was interpreted as, "We are boring, and can't stand each other." FML

by boringhusband / 05/08/2016 at 10:29am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I have been in my "office" for 6 weeks. It is literally a closet. I was reminded of this fact when a janitor walked in without knocking, carrying empty boxes he intended to store. FML

by claustrophobic / 05/04/2016 at 3:03pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I met my new neighbors. The first thing they did was build a fence. FML

by welcome to the neighborhood / 04/28/2016 at 7:35pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous