FMLs submitted from Maine

Today, I had to explain to my teacher that Czechoslovakia is no longer a country. She kicked me out of class when she found out I was right. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2012 at 2:33pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was giving a tour of my boat to a man who seemed interested in purchasing it. Everything was going great. That is, until, the motor stopped running in the middle of the ocean. FML

by anon / 08/29/2012 at 12:52am / United States (Maine) / Money

Today, I got stumped by a childproof door. Twice. FML

by mr_flarpin / 08/21/2012 at 8:37pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son thought it would be a great idea to spray a whole can of spray tan all over my freshly-painted white bathroom walls as an "experiment". He's 18. FML

by bellabreeze / 08/08/2012 at 11:29pm / United States (Maine) / Kids

Today, my friend and I were discussing music bands, and I asked who her favorite Queen member is. She looked at me like I was from another world and said, "I don't have a favorite British queen. That's like, so weird." FML

by fuckingbeliebers / 08/04/2012 at 1:15pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my teenage daughter to read off directions from my iPhone while I drove. She went on Instagram instead. We missed the turn by 32 miles. FML

by lostforlife / 07/12/2012 at 8:52pm / United States (Maine) / Kids

Today, my grandmother saw me for the first time in years. "Not all your clothes have to be as tight as condoms, you tramp," is probably the nicest greeting she's ever given me. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2012 at 7:58am / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, my son was fired from his new job, which was going to support us since I recently lost mine. His excuse was, "Conflict of interest." He was a mascot for a fast-food restaurant and refused to dance around. FML

by Shianna / 05/28/2012 at 6:00pm / United States (Maine) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me as I was browsing a baby name website. I explained to him that I was naming characters for a novel I was planning to write, but he is completely convinced that I'm pregnant, and has even told his parents. FML

by inapickle / 05/16/2012 at 4:20am / United States (Maine) / Kids

Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML

by Gabby / 02/11/2012 at 2:10pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML

by anonymous / 12/16/2011 at 9:06pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2011 at 6:52pm / United States (Maine) / Love

Today, I popped a boner while my braces were being tightened. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2011 at 5:39pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy