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FMLs submitted from Maine

Today, I got my driver's license. My dad made multiple copies of his insurance cards for me to give to people when I inevitably hit them. Because "Let's face it." FML

Today, is the blizzard. I have to go into work, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't show up. I sent him a picture of the snow completely covering my car. He said I moved the snow there and could move it back. FML

#21345232
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26608) - you deserved it (1746)

On 01/27/2015 at 6:50pm - work - by bitchypast - United States (Maine)

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

#21340142
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31238) - you deserved it (6434)

On 01/19/2015 at 9:34am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I went to a job interview. It was my last shot of getting a job before my savings run dry. It all went well until I was asked why I wanted to join the company. I got flustered and stuttered, "Because I um, I like money?" The guy gave me the most insincere "We'll be in touch." ever. FML

#21339665
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26151) - you deserved it (8063)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML

#21323893
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33486) - you deserved it (3473)

On 12/25/2014 at 10:17am - intimacy - by whovian - United States (Maine)

Today, my school textbook's back cover ripped off. Not wanting to have my teacher find out, I glued the cover back together. Only after the glue dried did I realize that I actually glued the back cover upside down. FML

Today, my boss heard a rumor that I was in a relationship with a fellow co-worker. He assured me that inside relationships weren't against any store policy, so I confirmed it. He then fired my boyfriend anyway. FML

#21318814
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31418) - you deserved it (4976)

On 12/16/2014 at 10:31pm - work - by thankssomuch - United States (Maine)

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

#21318050
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30666) - you deserved it (3153)

On 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by thechaos (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was elected to learn how to clean the birthing tub at the hospital I work at. Today, I also discovered that while blood doesn't bother me, floating chunks of afterbirth and god knows what else, will cause me to projectile vomit into said tub. Which I still had to clean afterwards. FML

#21304749
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31087) - you deserved it (2987)

On 11/23/2014 at 8:59pm - work - by StomachofTinfoil (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I had to babysit both my neighbor's 3-year-old daughter and my very pregnant cat. I left the room briefly, only to come back to a traumatized 3-year-old crying in horror as my cat gave birth in front of her. FML

#21303819
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32539) - you deserved it (3765)

On 11/22/2014 at 10:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, I got the best grade in class on my economics midterm. Rather than tell me I did a good job, my professor criticized me in front of everyone about how I was working "too hard". FML

#21279849
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37154) - you deserved it (3604)

On 10/17/2014 at 1:56pm - work - by katsaysner - United States (Maine)

Today, while working as a teacher at a daycare, a two year-old girl decided the best way to share that she had pooped was to reach in her diaper and attempt to hand some to me. FML

#21264874
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32310) - you deserved it (3172)

On 09/25/2014 at 12:03am - kids - by disgusted - United States (Maine)

Today, after a power outage at my house, my 14-year-old brother was genuinely confused as to why our flashlights still worked if we had no electricity. FML

#21200603
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42664) - you deserved it (3946)

On 07/06/2014 at 2:04pm - misc - by idiot bro (man) - United States (Maine)



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