FMLs submitted from Louisiana

Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML

by auntoftheyear / 08/10/2011 at 12:46am / United States (Louisiana) / Health

Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2011 at 4:25pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that horror movies do not exaggerate the pain of getting your nails ripped from your fingers. FML

by IIIlibras / 07/27/2011 at 5:28pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was rushed to the emergency room. Apparently, there is only one serious side effect of getting your tonsils out when you're an adult, which is only seen in about 1% of patients: bleeding of the throat. It can be deadly. I'm part of that 1%. FML

by blahdyblahblah33 / 07/02/2011 at 8:22pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health

Today, I found out that when my room-mate agreed to babysit someone's two year old kid for money, what he really planned on doing was dumping it with me. The kid won't stop crying and screaming. FML

by Username / 06/24/2011 at 6:11pm / United States (Louisiana) / Kids

Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML

by callie / 06/18/2011 at 2:08am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

by ugh / 06/14/2011 at 1:56pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, while in class, I desperately had to fart. Someone in the room had a coughing fit, so I took that as the chance to let it out. When I was about to release, the coughing stopped. I couldn't stop in time. FML

by anonymous / 06/08/2011 at 12:47pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health

Today, I had to take care of my best friend while she was drunk. This meant changing her pee-soaked sheets, making her take a bath to get all the baby powder off, and making her put clothes on as she tried to run out the house naked. FML

by anonymous / 05/21/2011 at 3:20am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2011 at 1:44am / United States (Louisiana) / Animals

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to take a pair of scissors to all my bras. My mom can't take me shopping for another three days and I have no one to borrow a bra from. I have school. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2011 at 12:11pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into the laundry room when my mom pulled a condom wrapper out of my pants pocket. She looked at me and said "you know you can't wash and reuse these." FML

by killercow / 04/19/2011 at 12:19pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally started my job as an in-home caregiver. The man I was hired to care for died two hours after I made it to his house. FML

by nurseITHINKNOT / 04/18/2011 at 3:24pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work