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FMLs submitted from Louisiana

Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML

#18569258
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23992) - you deserved it (4661)

On 12/21/2011 at 10:33am - misc - by Derpina - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML

#18519378
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24188) - you deserved it (5515)

On 12/15/2011 at 12:30pm - misc - by Grubendol - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML

#18464488
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8413) - you deserved it (73921)

On 12/08/2011 at 10:35pm - misc - by lebato97 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled "NINJA WAITRESS!" Every one at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML

#18390822
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36652) - you deserved it (5476)

On 11/30/2011 at 12:39am - work - by immy504 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML

#18236963
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24684) - you deserved it (2257)

On 11/13/2011 at 12:10pm - love - by mandie - United States (Louisiana)

Today, was the first day of my sophomore year. While receiving my schedule, I burst into tears at the sight of a disfigured midget. I'm now seen as the school bitch for making fun of a midget. I have a genuine fear of midgets. FML

Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML

#17424744
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32665) - you deserved it (9081)

On 08/10/2011 at 12:46am - health - by auntoftheyear - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML

#17379183
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23941) - you deserved it (2913)

On 08/05/2011 at 4:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I learned that horror movies do not exaggerate the pain of getting your nails ripped from your fingers. FML

Today, I was rushed to the emergency room. Apparently, there is only one serious side effect of getting your tonsils out when you're an adult, which is only seen in about 1% of patients: bleeding of the throat. It can be deadly. I'm part of that 1%. FML

#16953000
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36561) - you deserved it (2366)

On 07/02/2011 at 8:22pm - health - by blahdyblahblah33 (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I found out that when my room-mate agreed to babysit someone's two year old kid for money, what he really planned on doing was dumping it with me. The kid won't stop crying and screaming. FML

#16837631
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27620) - you deserved it (3554)

On 06/24/2011 at 6:11pm - kids - by Username - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML

#16723796
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32566) - you deserved it (6012)

On 06/18/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by callie - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

#16661318
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37408) - you deserved it (3534)

On 06/14/2011 at 1:56pm - misc - by ugh - United States (Louisiana)



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