FMLs submitted from Louisiana

Today, my financial situation is so dire that I tried to steal toilet paper from work. I got caught. FML

by PoorGal / 10/19/2015 at 2:04pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, I was supposed to start my new job. I had forgotten I had a doctor's appointment, so I called work early and told them I wouldn't be able to start until tomorrow. My boss then terminated my employment. I got fired before I even started. FML

by No Job / 09/30/2015 at 9:42pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, I finished a 6-part project. It took me 7 hours of straight work because my partner decided I should do it alone. I then learned that the reason my partner did not help me was because the teacher e-mailed the leader of every group, saying the project was cancelled. FML

by I'm donnnneeee / 09/20/2015 at 11:26pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé heard I was having a rotten day at work. He stopped by the flower shop and bought me a lovely rose which I put right next to my work station. That is until a giant wasp flew out and stung me. I still have a swollen arm hours later. FML

by rinakitty94 / 06/29/2015 at 1:30pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love

Today, my dad got so drunk that I had to drive him home. He kept yelling at me to not speed, saying I was going too fast and that there were too many bumps on the road. I hadn't even started the car yet. FML

Today, I had my performance review at work. Under the "oral communication" category my boss wrote that I "act like an asshole." FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2015 at 10:59pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2015 at 3:24pm / United States (Louisiana) / Animals

Today, I confronted my wife because I thought the many hours a day she spends at a local coffee shop were so she could smoke. Turns out she's cheating on me. FML

by SouthPaw / 01/14/2015 at 4:48pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love

Today, the lady whose son I babysit sent me a text, saying she left a gift for me for all the hard work I've done. I found a beautifully-wrapped box where she said the gift was. It turned out my actual gift was cookies sitting right next to it. FML

by 1dvos_grl3 / 12/19/2014 at 7:53am / United States (Louisiana) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while my boyfriend and I were talking with his sister-in-law about a TV show, his 6-year-old nephew walked up just in time to hear how Santa killed the protagonist's parents. I've never seen such a heartbroken face in my life, and now he won't stop asking if Santa kills people. FML

by xmassmasher / 12/02/2014 at 2:52am / United States (Louisiana) / Kids

Today, I found out that the neighborhood call-girl my husband and I secretly joke about is the same woman who secretly pleasures my husband for money. FML

by mislead / 09/22/2014 at 12:43pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, I was finally given a parking spot at work. It turns out to be between an expensive sports car that never parks straight and a giant truck too big for its space. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2014 at 7:57pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

by fuckmyjob / 06/19/2014 at 4:10pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work