FMLs submitted from London, City of

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2015 at 4:17pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into a door on my way in to an interview, in front of the interviewer and a group of people waiting to be interviewed. FML

by amyhyett / 01/28/2015 at 6:18pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, I psyched myself up and headed out to a really promising job interview. I was sure I was going to nail it and get my first job. That is, until a bird shat on my head on my way there. Thank you so very much, universe. FML

by sadlrana121 / 01/10/2015 at 5:46pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, I was waiting in line while a lady paid for her shopping, when her credit card got declined. She started ranting and insulting everyone and kept insisting: "I'm not poor!" By the time the lady had finally stormed off, I had spittle on my face, and the cashier was almost in tears. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2014 at 7:22pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Money

Today, my boyfriend sent Christmas Carollers to my house to tell me he was breaking up with me. FML

by PyroSam / 12/12/2014 at 1:07pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2014 at 7:10pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

Today, my 16-year-old brother once again scored well at a local archery competition. He got home and, once again, unleashed his "spectacular aim" at the toilet - or rather the toilet seat and surrounding floor. He refuses to clean the bathroom we share every single time he does this. FML

by Mojo0608 / 11/02/2014 at 4:28pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

Today, the fire alarm keeps going off at my apartment. Not only is the noise ear-piercingly loud enough to wake the entire neighbourhood, there's also a big flashing red light in case the deafening sound isn't enough. This is my day off. It's going on all day. FML

by Shutup! / 10/31/2014 at 6:42am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got roped into a volunteering thing at the last minute. I was waiting outside with all these kids who looked hungry. Feeling bad, I passed around crisps and cookies. Turns out we were at a convention to promote healthy eating in malnourished children. FML

by Anonymous / 10/09/2014 at 6:17pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

by Operation Yewtree here I come / 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

Today, I'm moving out of the house. My little sister can't wait and I've never seen my dad so happy. FML

by Not Wanted / 09/06/2014 at 9:34pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got to watch some porn after not being able to for a while. All I could notice in the video was how badly the participants were playing snooker. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2014 at 11:49am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy