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FMLs submitted from London, City of

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

#21395300
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28176) - you deserved it (3399)

On 04/17/2015 at 4:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, we got CCTV fitted in our store. My lovely boss told me he'll be spending his free time watching the footage on his phone to know what I get up to when he's not in. FML

#21379507
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22356) - you deserved it (2494)

On 03/22/2015 at 2:19pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was at my Mandarin teacher's house. I had diarrhoea and had to go to the toilet. My mum texted me while I was still in the toilet saying, "We all heard you". FML

#21378919
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27291) - you deserved it (2235)

On 03/21/2015 at 12:47pm - misc - by poop - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was helping out during the school play's interval. My head of year jokingly asked me to follow him around with these mini cocktail sausages for the rest of the school year. I thought it would be witty to reply, "Does that make me your official sausage holder?" FML

#21378332
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24916) - you deserved it (65)

On 03/20/2015 at 10:41am - love - by MirandaJones (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I discovered that the man I have been talking to on a dating site is actually my ex-boyfriend. He created a fake profile and made me fall for someone that doesn't exist. We got on better anonymously than we ever did in 3 years together. FML

#21373070
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30876) - you deserved it (3276)

On 03/12/2015 at 9:53am - love - by mylovelifeisanepicfail (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was in charge of taking a delivery of new office chairs for the meeting room at work. The delivery men took the old chairs, but left without delivering the new ones. I can't get in contact with them, and we have a big meeting first thing tomorrow. FML

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

#21346279
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29671) - you deserved it (13093)

On 01/29/2015 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I walked into a door on my way in to an interview, in front of the interviewer and a group of people waiting to be interviewed. FML

#21345740
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23198) - you deserved it (2843)

On 01/28/2015 at 6:18pm - work - by amyhyett - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I psyched myself up and headed out to a really promising job interview. I was sure I was going to nail it and get my first job. That is, until a bird shat on my head on my way there. Thank you so very much, universe. FML

#21334630
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28540) - you deserved it (2077)

On 01/10/2015 at 5:46pm - work - by sadlrana121 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was waiting in line while a lady paid for her shopping, when her credit card got declined. She started ranting and insulting everyone and kept insisting: "I'm not poor!" By the time the lady had finally stormed off, I had spittle on my face, and the cashier was almost in tears. FML

#21325473
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29531) - you deserved it (2156)

On 12/27/2014 at 7:22pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my boyfriend sent Christmas Carollers to my house to tell me he was breaking up with me. FML

Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML

#21304063
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30008) - you deserved it (4934)

On 11/22/2014 at 7:10pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my 16-year-old brother once again scored well at a local archery competition. He got home and, once again, unleashed his "spectacular aim" at the toilet - or rather the toilet seat and surrounding floor. He refuses to clean the bathroom we share every single time he does this. FML

#21290633
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27140) - you deserved it (2292)

On 11/02/2014 at 4:28pm - health - by Mojo0608 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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