FMLs submitted from Kentucky

Today, I got a promotion and transfer at work. My first responsibility is to fire my soon to be father in-law. FML

by hesgonnahateme / 06/06/2013 at 1:08am / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, I was stuck in my apartment complex's elevator. I was shouting out for help when a voice came screaming, "This is the fire department." I was relieved until he said, "Just kidding." FML

by Mylifesucks / 05/23/2013 at 1:11am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend decided we are to the point in our relationship that it's considered acceptable to take a dump while I'm in there showering. FML

Today, a man I once worked with passed away. He was a lovely, caring, and inspirational person whom I looked up to. My husband's form of consolation? "Old people die. Get over it." FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2013 at 10:47pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 2:09am / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I had to convince my dad that text lingo causes brain damage just to try to get him to stop. He actually believed me, and is telling everyone they have, or will receive brain damage soon. FML

by oh my dad / 02/13/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was discussing with my husband how it was time I stopped taking birth control so we could have a baby. He looked at me and said sincerely, "We're a little young to be having kids, don't you think?". He's 35 and I'm 32. FML

by StillTooYoung / 01/20/2013 at 8:13am / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I started at my first job. Within the first five minutes of arriving, I was followed around by a white guy who repeatedly sang to me, "Black people love making music" along with a few of his own songs. It resulted in me getting fired for bringing my "boyfriend" to work. I didn't even know him. FML

by sarahijklmnop / 11/14/2012 at 8:04pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, I got fired from a job that I've had for four days for being too "secretive." Apparently, I was leaning over my notebook so that my boss couldn't stand behind me and read what I was writing. The email literally said I was "being too sneaky". They were work notes. FML

by TheHarvardian / 10/25/2012 at 2:59am / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML

by JB / 09/09/2012 at 4:34am / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I found out that the mysterious and creepy weirdo guy that continuously sends me messages on Facebook is my manager at my new job. FML

by Jessica S. / 09/06/2012 at 7:15am / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

by jenA / 08/21/2012 at 9:04am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML

by sy123 / 07/29/2012 at 7:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Health