FMLs submitted from Kentucky

Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2010 at 4:55pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

Today, I lost my job. I was so upset that I put in my favorite mix CD of all the songs that get me feeling better. While scanning for my favorite song, I hit the car in front of me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 7:54pm / United States (Kentucky) / Transportation

Today, my 5 year old brother wanted to look through my phone. I know he can't read so I gave it to him. He was, however, able to get at my "private" photo album. FML

by lebowski / 11/27/2010 at 8:57pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

Today, I was eating out at a restaurant downtown with my brother in-law when I told him I couldn't eat any more. He then told me, "You better, or you're walking home." He wasn't kidding. FML

by Random Person / 11/21/2010 at 12:31am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML

by mydadsawsooomuch / 11/17/2010 at 8:26am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I began training my replacement at work. She's a senior citizen. She got excited when I taught her how to highlight text on the screen and double-click the mouse because she "never knew how to do those fancy tricks." The job is entirely computer-based. I have to train her for 6 weeks. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2010 at 8:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, at work, my manager fell in front of an entire lobby full of people on a wet floor. I'm the only one who burst out laughing. Turns out she has a broken arm. FML

by klm878 / 11/12/2010 at 11:10pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, I made salmon patties and boiled cabbage. I smelled smoke from my stove burner, but thought I spilled something in the burner. No big deal. Later, this horrible smell started coming from the stove. My husband took the stove apart, only to find that I had fried a mouse as well. FML

by Whitley / 11/04/2010 at 11:17am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so lonely that I had a 3 hour conversation with a one-legged cricket I found in my room. I'm keeping him. He has a name. FML

by nk / 11/03/2010 at 12:39am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

Today, my marriage counselor told me I have the communication skills of a Lou Gehrig's patient. FML

by djangle / 11/02/2010 at 7:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my boyfriend watches porn. Specifically, today, while I was in the shower. In the next room. We were alone in the house and he still chose porn. FML

by anon / 10/25/2010 at 1:42am / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML

by jailbirdlove / 10/10/2010 at 9:38pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, it's my birthday. I got a graphing calculator and my period. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2010 at 11:07am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous