FMLs submitted from Kentucky

Today, for the first time ever, my boyfriend of one year told me he loved me. He was calling me by collect call from the county jail. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2011 at 12:38pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I asked my mother why she didn't drink. She laughed and said, "The last time I drank was the night you were conceived. I didn't need any other disasters." FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2010 at 4:55pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

Today, I lost my job. I was so upset that I put in my favorite mix CD of all the songs that get me feeling better. While scanning for my favorite song, I hit the car in front of me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 7:54pm / United States (Kentucky) / Transportation

Today, my 5 year old brother wanted to look through my phone. I know he can't read so I gave it to him. He was, however, able to get at my "private" photo album. FML

by lebowski / 11/27/2010 at 8:57pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

Today, I was eating out at a restaurant downtown with my brother in-law when I told him I couldn't eat any more. He then told me, "You better, or you're walking home." He wasn't kidding. FML

by Random Person / 11/21/2010 at 12:31am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML

by mydadsawsooomuch / 11/17/2010 at 8:26am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I began training my replacement at work. She's a senior citizen. She got excited when I taught her how to highlight text on the screen and double-click the mouse because she "never knew how to do those fancy tricks." The job is entirely computer-based. I have to train her for 6 weeks. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2010 at 8:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, at work, my manager fell in front of an entire lobby full of people on a wet floor. I'm the only one who burst out laughing. Turns out she has a broken arm. FML

by klm878 / 11/12/2010 at 11:10pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, I made salmon patties and boiled cabbage. I smelled smoke from my stove burner, but thought I spilled something in the burner. No big deal. Later, this horrible smell started coming from the stove. My husband took the stove apart, only to find that I had fried a mouse as well. FML

by Whitley / 11/04/2010 at 11:17am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was so lonely that I had a 3 hour conversation with a one-legged cricket I found in my room. I'm keeping him. He has a name. FML

by nk / 11/03/2010 at 12:39am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

Today, my marriage counselor told me I have the communication skills of a Lou Gehrig's patient. FML

by djangle / 11/02/2010 at 7:34pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my boyfriend watches porn. Specifically, today, while I was in the shower. In the next room. We were alone in the house and he still chose porn. FML

by anon / 10/25/2010 at 1:42am / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML

by jailbirdlove / 10/10/2010 at 9:38pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy