FMLs submitted from Kentucky

Today, I awoke to the sound of my neighbor's attacking my car with a baseball bat accusing me of calling the cops on them. I did call the cops on them, after they screamed at me last night, drunkenly, to call the cops for them because they thought they were being robbed. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2015 at 11:34am / United States (Kentucky) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend didn't break up with me, but his mom did. FML

by veryunluckygirl / 07/16/2015 at 5:04pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML

by very analytical / 06/26/2015 at 3:56pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2015 at 12:13pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

Today, the amount of spiders in my house has gotten so bad that it's become routine to shake out any blankets or towels before using them. FML

by terrified / 06/07/2015 at 11:13pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. All I got was him stopping by for a quickie before he went into work. FML

by Disappointed / 05/30/2015 at 4:05pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, my daughter cried for ages after finding out that Nick Amaro was written out of Law and Order: SVU. She barely reacted when I told her that her mom and I are getting a divorce. FML

by svunimportant / 05/28/2015 at 11:40am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, while out walking with my son in a stroller, a couple passed by and the girl smiled sweetly at him. It made me really happy, until we passed and I heard her say "What? You're supposed to smile at babies, even if they look weird." FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2015 at 6:46pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML

by khaoslife / 04/17/2015 at 11:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Health

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

by RomanceFail / 04/02/2015 at 8:51am / United States (Kentucky) / Health

Today, I was turned down from the dream job that I was promised two years ago, once my chemo and radiation therapy was finished. His excuse? He never actually expected me to survive. FML

by kysier / 03/01/2015 at 6:36pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, I didn't feel like going to work, so I called in sick. Five hours later while out shopping, I got hit by a car at a crosswalk. Now I'm laid-up in the local hospital, really wishing I was with the guys at work. FML

by julichlove / 12/27/2014 at 7:52pm / United States (Kentucky) / Health

Today, it's my birthday. My grandma posted about it on her Facebook wall, but people got confused and thought it was her birthday instead. She got twice as many birthday wishes as I did, and that's including the ones I got outside of Facebook. FML

by Drew / 11/29/2014 at 10:20pm / United States (Kentucky) / Geek