FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, during the opening night performance of our schools musical, while I wasn't on stage I decided to use the restroom. I came out to find two of my fellow actresses putting their hands over my mouth. Apparently, I had left my microphone on and everyone heard me using the restroom. FML

by Porcelain / 10/03/2009 at 9:47am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked into my bedroom and realized I really needed to clean it. As I started to pick everything up off of the floor, I tripped over a shoe, slipped on a water bottle, pulled down my shoe rack and landed in my armoire. My room is now dirtier than it was when I started. FML

by QuestionMyLife / 09/30/2009 at 8:56pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my dad that I have a very serious drinking problem and that I need to go to rehab because I can't stop on my own. He told me that I just need to make new friends and suggested I join a sorority. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2009 at 10:34am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I were at the mall and saw a "Grow Your Own Boyfriend" toy. I remarked that I already had one of those, and she freaked out, very loudly and openly, about me "finally having a boyfriend". I had to embarrassingly explain I meant I had the toy... not an actual boyfriend. FML

by CaeliLady / 09/13/2009 at 7:10pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML

by footinmouth / 09/13/2009 at 1:14am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was going to ask this girl I love to homecoming. I set up a scavenger hunt, and my friend led her through it. At the end of the scavenger hunt I had a note that said, "Homecoming?" She said yes and hugged my friend. When I told her it was me who was asking, she laughed and said no. FML

by thisrllysucks / 09/05/2009 at 10:16am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2009 at 1:14pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I came home early from work, and caught my girlfriend with my best friend. I forgave her. She thinks it's because I love her. It's because I wouldn't get laid otherwise. FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2009 at 1:06am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said 'Good one honey'. I told her I wasn't joking, and she took my face in her hands and said 'You ARE joking!' Then she left. FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2009 at 12:44am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I was supposed to finally go out with my guy-friend that I have liked for a long time. He told me he would text me, and after waiting for hours for the text, I finally got it. It said, "Guess what!? I just got laid!" He forgot our date, had it off, and I congratulated him. FML

by denied / 08/11/2009 at 4:13pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I went with my fiancé to meet his parents. He was really sweet the whole way there, and once we got there he introduced me as 'the girl I'm going to marry'. His parents took one look at me and said, "Are you sure?" I laughed, because I thought they were joking. They weren't. FML

by kelizabeth / 08/05/2009 at 2:17pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I got engaged to my boyfriend of three years. I made the announcement on my status on facebook so people would congratulate me. The only response I got about my engagement was from a girl I knew saying; "Umm, he didn't tell you he was cheating on you for three years with me?" FML

by ididntdoanythingaight / 08/02/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "wtf am I doing," he kissed my boob. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2009 at 1:19am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous