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FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, my crush and I were talking on the phone and we were really hitting it off. We got on the subject of sex and I told him I have a purity ring. Then he suddenly said he had to go and hang up. FML

#16277483
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23972) - you deserved it (43114)

On 05/21/2011 at 3:44am - love - by Cassie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was awakened in the middle of the night by a frantic banging on my front door. It was a guy whom I'd only been dating a few weeks, with a suitcase. He stated that his wife kicked him out for having an affair, and thought now would be a good time to move in together. FML

#15959633
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38776) - you deserved it (12805)

On 04/28/2011 at 2:22am - love - by ummno (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my dad woke me up for the second time to get me ready for school. Wanting me to prove I was really awake, he made me sit up. As soon as he left my room, I dozed off and faceplanted my nightstand. FML

#15635738
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10855) - you deserved it (39865)

On 04/04/2011 at 1:36pm - misc - by Username - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went to a birthday party. A half hour in, a girl started showing me pictures of her cat. That was the high point of the night. FML

#15477659
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26297) - you deserved it (4260)

On 03/25/2011 at 1:50am - animals - by caseyj (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was telling my dad about how I emasculated my guy friends because I can drive a stick shift while they can't. He said, "And you wonder why people think you're a lesbian." FML

#15317811
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30984) - you deserved it (11893)

On 03/15/2011 at 1:58am - misc - by Megara (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML

#14509671
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23542) - you deserved it (2217)

On 01/08/2011 at 3:35pm - work - by niiiiiiiiiikki - United States (Kansas)

Today, my husband said that when we have sex he almost gets as excited as he does when he gets a chopper gunner on Black Ops. FML

#14284666
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33787) - you deserved it (7268)

On 12/21/2010 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by Hannah - United States (Kansas)

Today, I'm spending the night with the guy I've been interested in for a while. Instead of sleeping in the same bed together, he insists that I sleep in another room because he "doesn't want to be tempted to do anything." So, I'm alone, in my best lingerie, in his little brother's room. FML

#14189329
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31954) - you deserved it (7794)

On 12/13/2010 at 9:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my thirteen month old son woke me up at 6AM on my day off, by punching me in the eye. FML

#14165047
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25671) - you deserved it (5734)

On 12/11/2010 at 11:16am - kids - by blueberry_hill (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my parents brought me an ice cream birthday cake. I would think after 23 years they would remember my lactose intolerance. FML

#14161445
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29330) - you deserved it (2747)

On 12/11/2010 at 1:11am - misc - by ShaunBomb - United States (Kansas)

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for Christmas. He then told me that he would only tell me if I promised not to get mad, so I agreed. He told me that he wants me to start working out because I'm getting fat. FML

#14032053
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17128) - you deserved it (28742)

On 11/30/2010 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I came through a DUI checkpoint. The trooper noticed some donuts I had. He asked, "Are those donuts?" Jokingly, I replied, "Yes. Why? Are you going to confiscate them?" He didn't see the humor and pulled me off to the side to have a team search my truck. FML

#13932750
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13316) - you deserved it (26190)

On 11/22/2010 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was rejected by a girl when she told me she is not ready to date. We met on a dating website. FML

#13601859
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30391) - you deserved it (4132)

On 10/26/2010 at 12:55pm - love - by WTF - United States (Kansas)



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