FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML

by rj / 05/12/2012 at 10:42am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to look at the pictures my mom took during my birthday a couple of weeks ago. Every single one is of my sister. Her lighting the candles, her watching me open presents, and her eating cake. The only pictures of me are in the background. FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2012 at 7:35pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was addressed by name by the liquor store clerk. I've never told him my name. He's just seen my ID many times. FML

by Matchtopia / 01/17/2012 at 7:21pm / United States (Kansas) / Health

Today, I decided to get my ass in shape and went to the gym. I got motion-sickness on the elliptical. FML

by tbw / 01/11/2012 at 7:31pm / United States (Kansas) / Health

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2012 at 2:34am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I got into trouble with his mother for me still being at their house at 1:00 am. I'm 24, he's 22 and we really were studying. FML

by smurfisurfer1 / 12/12/2011 at 2:44am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my landlord compared me to his idiot son for not plunging a toilet. This is the same toilet he explicitly told me not to plunge last week, because of a possible leak into the basement. We have been peeing outside for a week waiting on him. FML

by Carl / 10/16/2011 at 8:47am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML

by Anonymous / 09/14/2011 at 12:34pm / United States (Kansas) / Health

Today, I woke up with a foul stench forcing its way up my nostrils. It turns out our septic tank broke, and is now leaking into our backyard, and sadly, our basement. I live in the basement. FML

by thatguythere858 / 08/13/2011 at 3:04pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML

by Nickname / 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I actually resorted to checking the newspaper obituaries to see where the deceased were employed, just so I can find a job opening. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2011 at 1:44pm / United States (Kansas) / Work

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. His reason was because he's moving away for college. That won't be for another year. FML

by youngblood / 06/19/2011 at 9:20pm / United States (Kansas) / Love