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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

#20914246
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32721) - you deserved it (6354)

On 10/09/2013 at 7:15pm - work - by Ellie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, while at the zoo, I found out that the rhinos there can pee backwards, while standing directly behind one. FML

#20874616
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38339) - you deserved it (4069)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:51pm - animals - by Are you kidding me? - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend gave me the painting he had been working on. It was a heart with wings, my name, and the date we started dating. We have been dating for almost a year and a half. He misspelled my name. FML

#20854112
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41531) - you deserved it (4565)

On 08/25/2013 at 7:30pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a weird wart-removal ad came on. He watched in disgust as the lady's wart said rude things to her. Then he looked at me and said seriously, "I'm glad yours don't talk..." FML

#20842136
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40945) - you deserved it (4430)

On 08/17/2013 at 8:27pm - love - by WartCream - United States (Kansas)

Today, I discovered that when my crush leans in to kiss me, I get so nervous I throw up. Then throw up again thinking about how embarrassed I am. FML

#20841404
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46265) - you deserved it (7322)

On 08/17/2013 at 4:24am - love - by love-shot - United States (Kansas)

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

#20822001
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48819) - you deserved it (4925)

On 08/05/2013 at 12:41pm - intimacy - by Serum - United States (Kansas)

Today, one of my employees filed a complaint against me. He claims that I "pick on him" and make him do things I "wouldn't do". Apparently, making him do his job and trying to convince him to wear clean clothes that don't smell like garbage is considered a bad thing. FML

#20813192
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48296) - you deserved it (4152)

On 07/31/2013 at 10:15am - work - by Zatnikatel (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, after mowing my neighbor's lawn for 3 years for free without being asked to, he finally came out while I was in the middle of it. Expecting a "Thank you" or some cash, he instead said, "You missed a spot" and walked back inside. FML

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

#20774202
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46987) - you deserved it (3321)

On 07/10/2013 at 12:33pm - misc - by my honest father - United States (Kansas)

Today, working my job, I had to explain to a kid that Pokemon is owned by Nintendo and they don't make it for the Xbox. Upset by this, he took hold of my leg and started biting. I'm also suspended, because his mother complained when I kicked him off me. FML

#20771337
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49433) - you deserved it (3267)

On 07/08/2013 at 10:08pm - work - by Garchomp (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML

#20636797
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47300) - you deserved it (13910)

On 05/02/2013 at 11:59am - intimacy - by MommaAnnie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML

#20504494
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8793) - you deserved it (50478)

On 02/13/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML

#20435818
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42236) - you deserved it (14110)

On 01/01/2013 at 5:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)



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