FMLs submitted from Kansas

Today, my boyfriend of one year and seven months left me for not wanting to have a baby yet. I'm seventeen years old. FML

by kaitiem224 / 10/21/2015 at 10:52pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, my husband finally admitted that he squandered the last three months of my share of the rent on booze. He then blamed me, demanded more money, asked for a divorce, and stormed out. When he returned he asked, "How am I the bad guy?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2015 at 8:57pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

by carl_carl_ / 07/13/2015 at 11:10am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went by myself to do a birthday party in a park, dressed as Elsa from Frozen. Everything was going fine until another Elsa and an Anna showed up to a nearby party. The kids then decided I was a fake and pulled my wig off. FML

by princessrose / 07/09/2015 at 7:08pm / United States (Kansas) / Work

Today, just before a job interview, I coughed so violently that I lost my voice. FML

by WarMachine68 / 06/06/2015 at 3:19pm / United States (Kansas) / Work

Today, I finally reached the point where it became necessary to give my boyfriend an ultimatum: either clip your toenails, or we aren't having sex. FML

by anon / 05/06/2015 at 8:50am / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by taking his new car to the automatic car wash. As soon as the water started, I realized that I forgot to close the sunroof. FML

by Anonymous / 05/04/2015 at 7:08pm / United States (Kansas) / Health

Today, while spring cleaning, my cat came into the kitchen with a live mouse in her mouth. She looked me dead in the eyes and dropped the mouse, which then ran into my bedroom. It's been 4 hours and I still can't find it. Where's the cat? Chilling like nothing happened. FML

by craZycatLady / 04/20/2015 at 2:06pm / United States (Kansas) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend let out a horrible fart in the middle of sex. Even though it was clearly his, he gave me disgusted look, called me a dirty bitch, then kept going. Let's just say I didn't finish. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2015 at 10:04am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, it's been almost two months that I've been taking hair, skin and nails vitamins. The only thing growing noticeably longer, faster, stronger, and healthier are my pubes. I've never sheared a sheep before, but I imagine the maintenance I just did was comparable. FML

by bushwhacker / 03/05/2015 at 6:34pm / United States (Kansas) / Health

Today, the kid I was tutoring told me that "pirates were a myth. Like the Greeks and Romans." He's 16. FML

by FrustratedTutor / 02/03/2015 at 10:39pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on my first date in over 4 years with a smoking hot guy. The big event was a trip to Target. I work at Target. He took me to my workplace for our date. And they say romance is dead. FML

by anonpbc / 01/28/2015 at 8:51am / United States (Kansas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was t-boned and my truck was rendered useless. I was given a ticket even though the man who hit me ran a red light. Why? Because there was dirt on my license plate. FML

by killerxdeagles / 12/22/2014 at 9:22pm / United States (Kansas) / Transportation