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FMLs submitted from Iowa

Today, I went to my Russian language class after days of being sick. We must speak in Russian. The professor asked how I felt. I said "like shit." I didn't know the word I used was the verb, not the noun. So I told an awesome prof and class I was "feeling like I was in the process of defacating." FML

Today, I realized the guy I've been hooking up with has a daughter who is a year younger than me. As if that wasn't bad enough, I also found out she had a child of her own. I've been hooking up with a grandpa. FML

#5254272
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24963) - you deserved it (40875)

On 09/14/2009 at 5:11pm - misc - by nen_00 - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

#5168083
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34834) - you deserved it (7623)

On 09/10/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by ginny (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was at my boyfriends house, meeting his family for the first time. We were all standing in the kitchen when suddenly a small white and brown mouse ran by. As a natural instinct, I stomped on it. Turns out, it was his little sister's pet mouse that had gotten out of its cage earlier. FML

#5068921
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17667) - you deserved it (47550)

On 09/05/2009 at 9:31pm - misc - by JustMyLuck (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my "best friend" invited me to drink with her and a couple other friends. She told me to "just bring a few bucks for beer". When I got there, no one else had brought money, including her. They only invited me because I'm the only one with a job. FML

#4659447
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46129) - you deserved it (3935)

On 08/19/2009 at 4:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

#4525246
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60031) - you deserved it (7169)

On 08/14/2009 at 12:57pm - kids - by ohgod (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was working my shift at a fancy restaurant and it had been a really hard day. My parents came in to have dinner and surprise me. After paying, they left a note saying they would see me at home. It also said "By the way, no tip, because you stink at serving." FML

#4231634
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41963) - you deserved it (6557)

On 08/02/2009 at 3:12pm - work - by waiterrrrrrrrr (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past 4 months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

#3986456
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56252) - you deserved it (3274)

On 07/23/2009 at 7:25pm - love - by Inga44 (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

#3661940
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43982) - you deserved it (5903)

On 07/11/2009 at 5:10am - work - by grannysmack (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML

#2298353
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53506) - you deserved it (17422)

On 05/26/2009 at 12:38am - kids - by tsakashvili (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I stepped out of my car and slipped on a fresh coating of ice on the ground. I tried to catch myself by grabbing the car on my way down, but unfortunately, I was trying to grab with the hand that was holding my car keys. I key-scratched my own car. FML

#1625759
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45530) - you deserved it (7156)

On 05/04/2009 at 1:19pm - misc - by JulieKid (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend stopped making out with me to watch a thirty minute infomercial on the Topsy-Turvy upside down tomato planter. FML

#1221446
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55946) - you deserved it (6622)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:02pm - love - by T-Pain (woman) - United States (Iowa)



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