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FMLs submitted from Iowa

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

#21335128
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18248) - you deserved it (26576)

On 01/11/2015 at 2:10pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I performed the Heimlich maneuver on a man. He cussed me out because the piece of food he was choking on was "a perfectly good portion of lobster". FML

Today, a customer said the pants she was buying rang up more than advertised. I quietly told her plus-sizes were not on sale. The customer yelled in front of a whole line of people, "So I'm fat and can't read! Any other insults you'd like to throw at me?" and stormed out of the store. FML

#21301098
119 comments

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

#21279207
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31664) - you deserved it (15703)

On 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm - misc - by karmaaa - United States (Iowa)

Today, at my dining job, my boss told me the food was "technically illegal to serve," air quotes and all. FML

#21249316
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34665) - you deserved it (2751)

On 08/31/2014 at 9:56pm - work - by dining - United States (Iowa)

Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML

#21245833
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36035) - you deserved it (6084)

On 08/26/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by alanh69 (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I got into trouble at work because a customer complained about my face tattoo, I don't have a face tattoo but I do have one behind my ear. Nonetheless, I still got written up and had to cover it with a band-aid, which ripped out hair when I took it off. FML

#21225337
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36020) - you deserved it (10628)

On 07/30/2014 at 11:28pm - work - by heatherfeather22 - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's mother still calls his ex-girlfriend her "future daughter-in-law". FML

#21218491
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40744) - you deserved it (3163)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:57pm - misc - by Rosey (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML

#21205262
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40605) - you deserved it (21076)

On 07/10/2014 at 6:17pm - work - by dammit hearing aid - United States (Iowa)

Today, at my local amusement park, I decided it'd be fun to meet someone on the roller coaster by sitting alone and hoping that someone nice would sit next to me. I rode the roller coaster 7 times. I sat alone each time. FML

#21202986
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42307) - you deserved it (12989)

On 07/08/2014 at 3:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML

#21175899
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46109) - you deserved it (5176)

On 06/15/2014 at 8:21pm - work - by caleighrossi - United States (Iowa)

Today, I'm 5 weeks pregnant and just found out that my boyfriend has such a phobia of holding babies, that he's going to be the one most in need of a diaper change when I give birth. FML

Today, after my bosses excitedly told me I'm getting promoted to customer service at our grocery store, a customer called me an idiot in the parking lot for accidentally backing into the shopping cart she left in my blind spot. And so it begins. FML

#21146606
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37394) - you deserved it (5038)

On 05/20/2014 at 7:50pm - work - by Helpful Smile - United States (Iowa)



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