FMLs submitted from Iowa

Today, my family was cleaning out our basement when I noticed an empty wall. I asked my grandma if I could put a picture up. She replied, "I don't want your ugly drawings on the wall". I wasn't talking about my drawings. FML

by Failed Artist / 08/30/2015 at 12:49am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, a homeless man asked me for some change. Not having any cash, I gave him a gift card for the restaurant I work at. When I got home I realized I gave him my credit card. FML

Today, I responded to an argument with my girlfriend by only using comebacks she'd used in previous arguments. I'm single now. FML

by Cygnus / 08/03/2015 at 10:14am / United States (Iowa) / Love

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I tried closing my bedroom door using my mind. FML

by elovan / 07/25/2015 at 4:33am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend heard a great quote about not letting anyone drag her down. She took it to mean, "break up with your boyfriend." FML

Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML

by No-Sleep Nellie / 07/07/2015 at 9:26am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took an online IQ test, even though I knew they give everyone unrealistically high scores. My score was 73. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2015 at 11:29pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, after replacing several components on my new used car, I realized that the reason it wasn't getting the gas mileage it was supposed to because my coworkers take turns siphoning my gas while I work. FML

by thatshelpful / 07/02/2015 at 12:16am / United States (Iowa) / Transportation

Today, I lost all of my male friends at work. Why? The new girl has my same interests and a prettier face. FML

by cbarr98 / 06/05/2015 at 9:00pm / United States (Iowa) / Work

Today, I was sent to the front office for having blood shot eyes and smelling like smoke. I just didn't get enough sleep and had trouble putting my contacts in, and I always smell like smoke because of my parents' excessive smoking. They didn't believe me. My parents had to come in to back me up. FML

by Phabia / 04/20/2015 at 8:16pm / United States (Iowa) / Health

Today, I had to give a presentation at school about King Richard III. I realized too late that someone had changed his name to "King Dick" on all the slides. My little sister later broke into hysterics and confessed this had been her April Fool's prank. FML

by King.Dick. / 04/02/2015 at 10:21am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd want to hear the details later. My boyfriend said, "Sure", and kept going. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2015 at 6:31pm / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy

Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy called the food crap and threatened to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML

by klaatu barada nikto / 01/20/2015 at 8:23am / United States (Iowa) / Work