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FMLs submitted from Iowa

Today, my boss used our communal notebook to bitch out our entire department for not leaving a note notifying her that one of the machines was down. She wrote it on the same page as the note I left saying that one of the machines was down. FML

#21519470
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18775) - you deserved it (1046)

On 01/25/2016 at 9:56pm - work - by Helpful Smile - United States (Iowa)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time when she noticed I only have one testicle. She immediately broke up with me, for she doesn't want her future sons to be gay because they'll only have half of their testosterone. FML

#21508578
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25789) - you deserved it (1665)

On 12/27/2015 at 11:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The guy chuckled mockingly at my master's degree in philosophy and wound up admitting that he had no idea why I'd even been selected to be interviewed. FML

#21502612
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19780) - you deserved it (3432)

On 12/11/2015 at 2:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, a woman who I have spoken to approximately twice in my life, asked me out. I turned her down in the most harmless way I could. Three hours later, I found my car keyed and my windshield wipers gone. FML

#21502372
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22702) - you deserved it (1886)

On 12/10/2015 at 7:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, my father, who is not familiar with keyboards, had me register his new email account for him at the public library. His username choice? "Wang dang sweet poon tang". People heard. FML

#21488619
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20853) - you deserved it (1856)

On 11/05/2015 at 12:05am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, our dog died. My daughter was really upset about it, so my husband tried to cheer her up. "At least she will be doing something that she liked forever: Sleeping!" My daughter continued to cry for half an hour. FML

#21488594
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21061) - you deserved it (1832)

On 11/04/2015 at 10:57pm - animals - by Why? - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years told me he had a surprise for me at midnight. I stayed up all night, not hearing from him. Finally I get a notification. Apparently, my midnight surprise is that I'm single. FML

#21472475
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27994) - you deserved it (1779)

On 09/25/2015 at 1:31am - love - by hunting7waves - United States (Iowa)

Today, my family was cleaning out our basement when I noticed an empty wall. I asked my grandma if I could put a picture up. She replied, "I don't want your ugly drawings on the wall". I wasn't talking about my drawings. FML

#21462394
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20436) - you deserved it (1617)

On 08/30/2015 at 12:49am - misc - by Failed Artist - United States (Iowa)

Today, a homeless man asked me for some change. Not having any cash, I gave him a gift card for the restaurant I work at. When I got home I realized I gave him my credit card. FML

Today, I responded to an argument with my girlfriend by only using comebacks she'd used in previous arguments. I'm single now. FML

#21451268
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24175) - you deserved it (10625)

On 08/03/2015 at 10:14am - love - by Cygnus - United States (Iowa)

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I tried closing my bedroom door using my mind. FML

#21446894
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11289) - you deserved it (19796)

On 07/25/2015 at 4:33am - misc - by elovan - United States (Iowa)

Today, my girlfriend heard a great quote about not letting anyone drag her down. She took it to mean, "break up with your boyfriend." FML

Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML

#21437872
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25222) - you deserved it (1593)

On 07/07/2015 at 9:26am - misc - by No-Sleep Nellie - United States (Iowa)



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