FMLs submitted from Indiana

Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML

by spooked / 11/22/2013 at 1:20am / United States (Indiana) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend got a detention for public display of affection. We go to different schools. FML

by cmart_9 / 10/29/2013 at 12:24am / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, my mother came over to visit, and my kids started excitedly telling her Christmas is coming soon. She freaked out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and telling them that Santa is going to hell along with everyone who celebrates it. My children are now traumatized. FML

by Jane M / 10/25/2013 at 7:20pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids

Today, I was maced. Not by a person, but rather by one of those automatic air fresheners in the bathroom. It was conveniently placed at eye level, you know, for freshness. FML

by erockinthesuburb / 10/15/2013 at 8:38pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, my boyfriend won a diamond engagement ring through a citywide competition. Instead of proposing to me, he's selling it. FML

by arthise / 10/09/2013 at 3:03am / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, as I was walking home, a car drove through a puddle and splashed me like in a cheesy movie. As if that wasn't annoying enough, the driver had to pull over because she was laughing too hard. FML

by CelibateHero / 10/05/2013 at 2:31am / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML

by ouharguohargssdf / 09/28/2013 at 5:01pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got fired from my volunteer job. FML

by Volunteer / 09/13/2013 at 6:24pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML

by mydaughterisdisturbed / 08/11/2013 at 8:58pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about how I'm jealous of her best guy friend always hanging around her. She responded by saying, "Wait, I thought you knew I was dating him too?" FML

by ttREZZ / 07/27/2013 at 1:02am / United States (Indiana) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband removed the TV from our bedroom to improve our sex life. Still no sex because he watches TV on his iPhone. FML

by oddgrrl99 / 07/23/2013 at 6:42pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, my doctor told me that I suffer from orgasm migraines. Basically, I get an intense migraine that lasts for hours after I have an orgasm. FML

by amanda / 07/23/2013 at 1:17am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML

by speechless / 07/13/2013 at 10:32am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous