FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply "#rekt", then "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

by kumcat / 01/11/2015 at 12:57am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my boss called and yelled at me because he said I was "spotted" out after I called off sick. I was out getting the medicine the doctor had just prescribed me. FML

by gothicvamp93 / 01/04/2015 at 1:46am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I decided to splurge and get valet parking at a fancy restaurant. I got out of the car and gave the man my keys and watched as he slowly backed my car into another car. FML

by seriously / 12/17/2014 at 8:33am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, my parents decided to "discipline" my kitten by spraying her with water. This somehow managed to completely un-train her, and now she's back to being the compulsive biter she was when I first brought her home. FML

by scars / 12/16/2014 at 10:01am / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, my oldest friend got engaged to her loving boyfriend of one year. Meanwhile, I can't even get my boyfriend of more than four years to commit to a decision of what he wants for dinner. FML

by galladore / 12/12/2014 at 10:17am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

by fuckered519 / 12/06/2014 at 2:53pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend brought me to a restaurant on a surprise date. I guess he didn't know that my ex-boyfriend now works there, and that he would be our waiter for the evening. FML

by maddieex / 12/03/2014 at 9:49pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my boyfriend went to work instead of going to my father's funeral. He works at home and chooses his own hours. FML

by .... / 11/29/2014 at 11:29pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I spent nearly an hour helping a customer pick out an engagement ring. I rang him up, picked out a super cute box for the ring, and wished him luck. Later I realized I never put the ring inside the box. FML

by KilledTheMoment / 11/23/2014 at 1:10am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2014 at 8:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I found out that my mom is doing a study and is keeping used pads in the freezer. FML

by PPP / 11/13/2014 at 10:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me. Her excuse? I was the one that had initially introduced them. FML

by johnnycomehelpme / 11/13/2014 at 7:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

by Anonymous / 11/11/2014 at 1:56pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous