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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML

#21100
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11808) - you deserved it (41816)

On 02/10/2009 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML

#19641
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8422) - you deserved it (37076)

On 02/10/2009 at 12:59am - misc - by Tennisplayer (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally reunited with a lot of old friends from school. It was great to see everyone grown up and hear the stories. At the end we decided to have a group photo for old times sake. They asked me to take the picture. FML

#18256
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38808) - you deserved it (2022)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:43pm - misc - by p00p_m0nsta (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a girl entered the public washroom I was washing my hands in. When she saw me, she stopped dead in her tracks. I then saw her go to the door to make sure she was actually in the girl's washroom. FML

#18109
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31057) - you deserved it (3825)

On 02/09/2009 at 6:57pm - misc - by a manly woman? (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I visited my 78 year old grandmother. She thanked me for visiting and gave me a magazine before I left telling me I might find something I like in there. When I got home I looked at the magazine only to realize it's full of dildos and sextoys. FML

#16862
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30901) - you deserved it (2182)

On 02/09/2009 at 2:51am - intimacy - by V (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

#15767
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10053) - you deserved it (38653)

On 02/08/2009 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by dgordo3 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the alarm on my phone went off. I picked it up, hit snooze, and dropped it back on my desk without looking. I woke up an hour later to find that I had dropped it directly in a full glass of water. FML

#13889
8 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10152) - you deserved it (20223)

On 02/07/2009 at 7:53pm - misc - by tarheels526 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was walking down the street with my newly healed implants, when a drag queen approached me and asked who my doctor was, because I was the "most convincing transgender he had ever seen." I'm a woman. FML

#13635
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22312) - you deserved it (7674)

On 02/07/2009 at 4:51pm - misc - by woo. - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know". FML

#12002
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43425) - you deserved it (3636)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by iamnotfat (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the girl whom I have loved for 4 years told me that she loved me too and would like to spend her life with me. This was before she told me that God did not want us to be together. FML

#11909
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26985) - you deserved it (1771)

On 02/06/2009 at 4:24pm - misc - by thesparrow (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML

#8630
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43352) - you deserved it (2017)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:04pm - intimacy - by Sleeper_C3ll (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a guy in the library came up to me and said, "You look very unproductive. It makes me depressed just watching you". FML

#7920
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23644) - you deserved it (3979)

On 02/04/2009 at 12:04pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took a big sip of water while on a bus. It went down the wrong pipe, causing me to cough and hack loudly. The old woman sitting across from me asked if I was okay. Jokingly, I said, "Just dying." She replied, "You too, huh?" FML

#7761
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7960) - you deserved it (27561)

On 02/04/2009 at 10:48am - misc - by suicide (man) - United States (Illinois)



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