FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend that said "Dude, I think she knows I'm going to break up with her." FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2010 at 12:21am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting in IHOP with my girlfriend of six months when she brought in her son of three years she had neglected to tell me about, and asked 'Does this change things?' FML

by Rodrigeuz26 / 01/22/2010 at 2:26am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was teaching a class and my student pointed out that I used the wrong "your" while writing on the board. FML

by englishfail / 01/15/2010 at 12:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was pointing out my car to my roommate. He responded with, "Oh that one with the broken window?" Turns out my car had been broken into. They took my CD player, GPS and Ipod. On top of that they left a Reese's Fastbreak wrapper and sunflower seeds on my front seat. FML

by Eli / 01/13/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I made a batch of "special" brownies for a party I was going to tonight. I wrapped them up and put them on the counter with a note that said DO NOT EAT. Later on I came home from some errands to find a tray of half eaten brownies and my ten year old sister passed out on the couch. FML

by badsister / 01/10/2010 at 10:37am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, while arguing with my boyfriend about how I wasn't a bad driver and could parallel park, I decided it was easier to just let him do it. Unfortunately, while getting out of the car to switch seats, I forgot to take the car out of drive and it ran into the car in front of us. He was right. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2010 at 9:20pm / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2010 at 6:48am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

by oopsies / 01/07/2010 at 8:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was playing around on Photo Booth, using weird effects on pictures of myself. I clicked on one and thought to myself that it was a really ugly effect. Then I noticed that it was set on normal. FML

by ugly5402 / 01/06/2010 at 4:05pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the DMV to renew my license. When I gave the woman behind the desk my name and social security number she looked confused. She then called over her manager, who did the same thing. Getting nervous, I asked what was wrong. Apparently according to the state of Illinois I'm dead. FML

by driver / 01/06/2010 at 9:55am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I went on a blind date that my best friend had set up for me. When I arrived, I introduced myself and we sat at the table. After we ordered our food, he asked the waiter for some crayons and a kid's menu, and colored for the half hour before our food came. He didn't talk to me at all. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2010 at 8:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 8 year-old niece and I were arguing over how many letters were in the alphabet. Guess who was right. FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2010 at 1:20am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom informed me that my entire family puts their dirty towels on the towel rack in the bathroom instead of the hamper. I've been using their dirty towels after showers for as long as I remember. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2010 at 5:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous