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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML

#21383476
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33068) - you deserved it (3085)

On 03/29/2015 at 8:54am - kids - by M.SHUKRI - United States (Illinois)

Today, I discovered that when my mom can't sleep, she comes into my room and reads my text messages. FML

Today, my boyfriend wrecked our car. Now I can't get to work in order to make the money we need to buy a new one. FML

#21380086
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31158) - you deserved it (4518)

On 03/23/2015 at 11:51am - money - by stuck - United States (Illinois)

Today, while my in-laws were visiting, my two-year old accidentally pushed the door wide open while I was sitting on the toilet. My mother-in-law laughed, took out her cell phone, snapped a picture of me and posted it on Facebook for everyone in our family to see. FML

#21379759
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32896) - you deserved it (3393)

On 03/22/2015 at 9:58pm - kids - by Mary C. (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, during a date with my girlfriend, I found out you can hiccup hard enough to convince someone that you're having a seizure. FML

#21375726
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30108) - you deserved it (2507)

On 03/16/2015 at 3:15pm - misc - by redneckpunk (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, some homeless person came up to the window and started doing a voice-over. FML

#21374736
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36087) - you deserved it (13130)

On 03/14/2015 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to get a physical, forgetting I'd shaved my pubes the day before and still had bad razor burn. My doctor told me I had "dicken pox" and was prescribing me with shaving cream. FML

Today, my mom told me that, even though my brother sells drugs, he's still her favorite child. FML

#21359996
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34586) - you deserved it (2859)

On 02/20/2015 at 7:35pm - misc - by pissed - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML

#21355983
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33246) - you deserved it (2348)

On 02/14/2015 at 2:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I introduced my dad to my girlfriend. He looked her up and down and said to her, "Beggars can't be choosers. Am I right?" FML

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

#21354315
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19937) - you deserved it (37815)

On 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm - misc - by SDCore (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the CEO of my company leaned over and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to thank you…" I thought he was going to thank me for all of my hard work, but he continued, "…for wearing that shirt today. I can totally see your boobs." FML

#21354210
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35303) - you deserved it (6763)

On 02/11/2015 at 4:51pm - work - by titsmcgee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, as I passed by the window that looks out on to my front yard, I saw a man out there so I ran to the kitchen to call the police. The operator asked me to describe the man. It was then that I realized the mysterious man in my yard was the snowman I built yesterday. FML

#21348837
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17213) - you deserved it (31408)

On 02/03/2015 at 2:50am - misc - by anon - United States (Illinois)



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