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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Illinois

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed in Charlie Brown's ghost costume, a white sheet with holes all over. I got beat up for dressing like a member of the KKK. FML

#21289401
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33116) - you deserved it (6313)

On 10/31/2014 at 11:59pm - misc - by Halloween Fail (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML

#21289257
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34711) - you deserved it (2168)

On 10/31/2014 at 7:28pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was being interviewed for a grant over the phone. When asked why I wanted to go to school to be an OB nursing assistant, I panicked and yelled, "BECAUSE VAGINAS ARE FASCINATING!" into the receiver. FML

#21286497
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27812) - you deserved it (11622)

On 10/27/2014 at 7:05pm - health - by lady parts - United States (Illinois)

Today, it's my 20th birthday. I recently came home from college to visit my family, after my mother had a stroke a few weeks back. She ended up being the only person who remembered to get me anything. She also thinks it's still 2009. FML

#21286282
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35015) - you deserved it (2873)

On 10/27/2014 at 12:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

#21281977
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31071) - you deserved it (4928)

On 10/20/2014 at 8:38pm - misc - by Anonymos_fmler - United States (Illinois)

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

#21280619
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28996) - you deserved it (11820)

On 10/18/2014 at 7:05pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a football game with my boyfriend. I said my hands were getting cold, hoping he'd hold them. He replied, "Uh, they make pockets for a reason..." and physically showed me how to put my hands in my pockets. FML

#21280399
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33348) - you deserved it (6571)

On 10/18/2014 at 10:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

#21275111
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35733) - you deserved it (21613)

On 10/10/2014 at 5:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40416) - you deserved it (18329)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He told me one of my lights was busted, and I couldn't help but point out that one of his was out too. He said, "Thanks, I'll get that fixed right away." then gave me a ticket. FML

#21267623
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36867) - you deserved it (5716)

On 09/29/2014 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad "What's up?" He casually replied: "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML

#21265875
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33444) - you deserved it (2745)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:00pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to stop at a gas station to go to the bathroom. A sign on the door told people to knock since the door didn't lock. As I was peeing, a lady walked in on me. Rather than simply saying sorry and shutting the damn door, she opened it wider and stepped in to apologize. FML

#21262000
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35921) - you deserved it (2670)

On 09/20/2014 at 7:39pm - misc - by rabid_otaku - United States (Illinois)



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